The love isn’t mutual
Dear Annie: I’ve noticed that these days, people say “I love you” almost as a way of saying goodbye to friends or “see you later.” For the most part, I think this is sweet. However, I find myself in a situation in which I am uncomfortable with this practice. A family member who has, for many years, treated me as a resource (i.e., as someone who can do things for her) has suddenly started saying “I love you” to me at the end of conversations. Long ago, I resigned myself to the fact that I need to get along with this person, but she and I will never be real friends because of the way she has used me in the past.
So, I figure this sudden burst of affection has more to do with the fact that she wants to soften me up so I will do more. After the decade I’ve had, I have no problem saying “no” to her. The problem is what to say in response to the “I love you” she throws my way at the end of every conversation. I do not wish to be unkind; however, I also do not wish to say something I don’t mean. Do you have a suggestion as to how I might respond, or am I making too big a deal of all this? — Tired of Drama and Just Plain Tired
Dear Tired: A sincere “all right” or simple “thank you” is better than an insincere “I love you.” Really, silence is better than an insincere “I love you.” If she’s uncomfortable saying “I love you” and not hearing it reciprocated, perhaps she’ll stop saying it.
Dear Annie: Your advice to “Who’s Going to Do It When We’re Gone?” — who wrote about enlisting help with maintaining a community cemetery — was commendable. Maybe she could also have her regular volunteers form a committee whose members appear from time to time in the local newspaper and on television to promote annual or semiannual events to care for the historical cemetery as part of the broader community involvement. She should emphasize the significance of the place to the community at large. Invite the Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts to participate. Enlist ecumenical support from a variety of churches in the community to demonstrate their compassion and willingness to work together. Maybe some of the funeral homes would be supportive and offer light refreshments as a way to make themselves better known. — Rob R. Dear Rob: The following letter writer had a few more tips along the same lines.
Dear Annie: Thank heavens for those volunteers who keep the cemetery beautiful. In our corner of Kansas, some of the 4-H groups do all the care of the township cemeteries. A Rotary Club or a local school’s chapter of the National FFA Organization might also be willing to help. Finally, anytime people complain about something they think is wrong with the cemetery, she should tell them what is needed. If they say they can’t, she should respond, “Then please suggest someone who can, because we are out of ideas.” — Hoping to Help
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.