COLIN MCENROE
Many Dems aspire, but who will take the Iron Throne?
I don’t know what type of Easter or Passover gathering you attended last weekend, but I attended one where, at a certain point, somebody announced that we would go around the table declaring our current preference for Democratic presidential nominee in 2020.
I tried to miss my turn by getting up to fetch a piece of cheese, but that was noticed.
“I’m backing Andrew Chang,” I said.
I subsequently wished I had said “Mike Gravel” because (a) it would have shut down any further attempts to talk to me about this and (b) it was quickly pointed out to me that the candidate I was thinking of is named Andrew Yang.
“Well, that creates a touchy situation, because I sent $3,500 in campaign contributions to Andrew Chang,” I said glumly.
The thing is, nobody can really criticize your choice of presidential nominee right now (provided you get the name right) because there are at least 20 certified and possibly certifiable seekers of the nomination, and the whole process has turned into a test you can’t possibly study for.
Do you know who Eric Swalwell is? Wayne Messam? Tulsi Gabbard? Syrio Forel? Jay Inslee? Seth Moulton?
No? Well they are all mayors or congresspersons or governors, and all of them are seeking the nomination. Except for Syrio Forel, who is a minor character in “Game of Thrones.”
And when I say there are 20 declared candidates, that does not include the aforementioned Mike Gravel, a former senator from Alaska who has actually filed papers with the Federal Election Commission, egged on by a coalition of high school students, people on Reddit, and fans of the annoying socialist comedy podcast “Chapo Trap House.”
Gravel was part of the 2008 presidential field and made a commercial in which he stared, expressionless, at the camera for a minute, then turned, walked along a shoreline, picked up a large rock, heaved it into the water, and walked away. It was simultaneously the greatest political commercial in American history and an indication that he was losing his mind.
This latter trend has continued. Gravel, in his youth a prominent antiwar voice who often teamed up with Noam Chomsky, Howard Zinn or Daniel Ellsburg, has recently appeared in the company of 9/11 truthers, Holocaust deniers and all-purpose looney tunes such as the late Lyndon Larouche.
Gravel would turn 90 during the campaign. Call me ageist, but you really can be too old to be president, and it’s usually around the time you start promising to replace “The Star-Spangled Banner” with the theme from “Murder, She Wrote.”
The list of 20 does, however, include Marianne Williamson, who as president would not need a spiritual adviser because she is a spiritual adviser, including to Oprah for the last 20-plus years.
Williamson has written many successful books, all of them based on “A Course in Miracles,” a 1,333-page gospel dictated — so the story goes — by Jesus to a psychologist named Helen Schucman. I know that sounds a little wacky, but many of the people who think it’s wacky belong to a religion where they eat Jesus on a regular basis. So, live and let live, you know?
I could see myself dropping Yang for Williamson. In her new book, “A Politics of Love — A Handbook for a New American Revolution,” Williamson writes that “When politics is used for loveless purposes, love and love alone can override it.” She goes on to aver that love abolished slavery, gave women suffrage and established civil rights.
This might seem too unmoored from reality for a presidential contender. On the other hand, the office is currently held by Donald Trump.
Also, before you snort at Williamson, consider that this week Elizabeth Warren published a detailed essay about the kinship she feels with “Game of Thrones” character Daenerys Targaryen, aka The Khaleesi, who, Warren writes, “as much as (she) wants to take on her family’s enemies and take back the Iron Throne ... knows that she must first fight the army of the dead that threatens all mankind. This is a revolutionary idea, in Westeros or anywhere else. A queen who declares that she doesn’t serve the interests of the rich and powerful? ... It’s no wonder that the people she meets in Westeros are skeptical.”
She stopped just short of announcing Syrio Forel as her running mate.
Some of you are wondering why I have not mentioned Mayor Pete Buttigieg of South Bend, Ind. I was briefly entranced by Mayor Pete, but now I am convinced he is trying to run for president without ever taking any actual positions. His campaign website has no policy section.
Do you know how many policy positions Andrew Yang has on his campaign website? One hundred and five, including “Reduce Harm to Children Caused by Smartphones,” “Nuclear Launch Decisions,” and something called the “American Mall Act.”
I haven’t clicked on any of these links so far, but I feel good knowing they exist.