How ‘the Riot Commission’ will probably operate
We can’t have nice commissions anymore.
Remember, for example, the House Select Committee on the House Beauty Shop? This was a real panel that existed from 1967 to 1979 to investigate how to make the House beauty shop better. Many technological advances emerged from the process. Without the work of the committee, it’s doubtful that, years later, Newt Gingrich’s hair would have been possible.
Admittedly, beauty is more important than the Jan. 6 event in which thousands of people pushed their way forward into the U.S. Capitol, resulting in domestic terrorists engaging in Ostrogoth-level combat with Capitol Police and Mike Pence fleeing for his life.
In fact, this event was so insignificant that it doesn’t really have a commonly accepted name yet. We can’t keep calling it The January Sixth Thing With the Guys With the Stuff.
A bipartisan, bicameral commission would presumably have, as its first function, coming up with a catchy name we could all get behind.
The House of Representatives has now passed a bill for this kind of a commission. Somewhat surprisingly, 35 Republicans — one-fifth of the caucus — voted for the bill.
Speaker Nancy Pelosi wooed Republican votes by adopting the cagey strategy of saying yes to everything they asked for. The bill calls for 10 members, five appointed by each party.
In this sense, the new commission would closely resemble the 2014 House select committee to investigate the Benghazi committee and ascertain whether or not Hillary Clinton was a witch, the only difference being that the Benghazi committee had seven Republicans and five Democrats, which is why the panel voted to throw water on Clinton and see if she melted.
The Riot Commission (name supplied by me) would also not be able to subpoena witnesses unless the chair (a Democrat) and vice-chair (a Republican) agreed or unless a majority of the 5-5 panel voted for it.
Sample Republican challenge: “Could the vice chair be Rudy Giuliani’s brain implanted in the body of a Proud Boy?”
Pelosi: “Yes.”
Republican: “That’s outrageous! If you’re going to oppose a simple request like ...Wait, did you say yes?” Pelosi: “Yes.”
Republican: “OK. Did not see that coming.”
House Republican leadership was not willing to roll the dice — even on a commission where they could essentially impede anything. One possible reason is that the top-ranking House Republican Kevin McCarthy
Let me ask you this: When was the last time 450 people from all over the United States were arrested for things they did in the same place on the same day?
could be called to testify about his reported shouting match with President Trump while rioters were trying to break into McCarthy’s office.
McCarthy was asking Trump to call off the mob, and Trump reportedly told him, “Kevin, I guess these people are more upset about the election than you are,” and McCarthy reported used the f-word.
McCarthy to Rudy-Proud Boy Chimera: “You cannot allow them to subpoena me about the screaming match. Understand?”
Rudy-Proud Boy Chimera: “Glurgle.”
McCarthy: “Wait. Does ‘glurgle’ mean you do understand?”
Rudy-Proud Boy Chimera: “Glurgle.”
McCarthy: “We have a problem.” Senate leader Mitch McConnell has said he will oppose the commission in his chamber because it would be “slanted” and because law enforcement already has the matter well in hand. Nearly 450 people have been arrested, with another 100 or so arrests likely in the coming weeks.
Let me ask you this: When was the last time 450 people from all over the United States were arrested for things they did in the same place on the same day?
The sheer plentitude of the perp pool is one of the many reasons you need a 30,000-foot view of this horror show.
There are also questions not answerable by yahoos with zip ties and horn hats. Why did it take more than three hours from the time the Capitol Police called begging for help for the Defense Department to green light that help? Do they not have cable?
I’m especially fond of the answer provided by then-acting Defense Secretary Christopher Miller: “This isn’t a video game, it’s not ‘Halo,’ it’s not ‘Black Ops Call of Duty.’”
Darn right! You can’t expect the military to rush off and save some far-flung location like the U.S. Capitol. First they have to assemble a Slow Reaction Force and then run it past the Joint Chiefs of Mulling and then bring it out to Fangorn Forest to discuss it with the Ents. This is not Super Mario Kart White Supremacist Odyssey!
What role did Republican members of Congress play in encouraging the rioters? Did they help plan Jan. 6? Did they fan the flames on that day? Did they help the invaders coordinate the attack?
These are not matters the FBI can took into. You need an investigative panel. And there’s precedent. In 2011 the federal government funded a $600,000 scientific investigation of why chimpanzees throw their feces. It turned out that the worst feces throwers were members of groups such as the Banana Keepers and the Proud Bonobos.
Don’t make me connect the dots for you.