What makes us happy?
I tend to be skeptical of whether we can be genuinely happy. Perhaps that goes back to a 1998 conference where a speaker gave the word “happiness” a bad rap. He kept mimicking a parent asking her child, “Are you happy?”
Then, a few weeks ago, I heard on Sirius radio an interview with the psychiatrist Dr. Robert Waldinger. He and clinical psychologist, Marc Schulz, had just written a book, “The Good Life: Lessons From the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness.”
Shortly after hearing the interview with Dr. Waldinger, I received an email from Dr. Robert Selverstone, an accomplished psychologist and long-time friend who resides in Westport.
Occasionally Bob would tell me about a book he thought highly of. His recent email included 11 pages of excerpts from “The Good Life.” I downloaded the book and began reading it.
“The Good Life” details a scientific study on happiness. Since 1938, Harvard researchers had been tracking and studying a group of individuals and their descendants with one key objective — trying to unlock the age-old quest of what makes a happy life.
Originally, there were 724 participants (268 of them were sophomores at Harvard). Their ranks included two future notables, President John F. Kennedy, and Washington Post editor Ben Bradlee. There were also 456 less privileged inner-city, Boston boys.
The 724 was expanded to include 1,300 descendants. The first participants met from their late teens until their passing. The study has had an amazing retention rate of 84 percent.
So, once they were in the study group they kept participating and answering lengthy questionnaires. Every five years they shared their medical records. And every 15 years they were interviewed face to face.
The program has been tweaked along the way. As there were no people of color in the initial study, the Harvard team sought info from diverse groups. Later, women were added to the study. The results from all groups have returned comparable findings — people who connect with others, regardless of background, are happier and healthier.
Among questions Dr. Waldinger has been asked are:
Q. “For some people happiness will be going to the beach and relaxing. Some other people throw themselves into work and accomplish something. What are your thoughts on that?”A. “Well, what we find in research is that happiness falls into two big buckets. One is their sense of happiness. Am I having a good time? Right? That’s the beach.
Then there is what’s called eudemonic happiness. It’s whether my life has meaning and purpose. They’re different, but they complement each other. But If I have a sense that my life has meaning and purpose, I’m more likely to feel happy more hours of the day.”
Q. “So, you do need to protect your body. It’s not just those relationships. You’ve got to take care of the body, but then social fitness is equally important. Is that a fair way to say it?” The doctor responded affirmatively.
Q. “What kinds of relationships seem essential to well-being and happiness?”
A. “We asked our original participants, ‘Who could you call in the middle of the night, if you were sick?’ Many listed several people. Some couldn’t list anyone. What we find is that having at least one person in your life, who you feel really has your back, who you could go to if you were in trouble — that’s essential for maintaining your happiness and your health.”
That series of questions about whom we could go to in times of need was an eye-opener for me. In my consulting practice, to help employers identify potential workplace issue, we often advise them to use “engagement” survey questions like the one the Gallup organization has developed. One question asks, “Do you have a friend in the workplace?”
In the past I could never fully appreciated the logical reasoning behind that Gallup question. Having read “The Good Life,” I now understood. Individuals with valuable, respectful and trusted friendships on the job helps them feel that they have someone who supports them and looks out for them.
“The Good Life” is a readable book minus unneeded statistics swirling around its pages. Published this year in several formats, it was written with most of us in mind.
So, who can one call in times of need? More than 15 years ago on my ambulance trip to Bridgeport Hospital, my wife rode with me. I had to stay overnight. So, how would she get back? This was before Uber.
One phone call that evening and the good doctor, our friend, Bob Selverstone … came to drive her home.