Hoarding creates a messy situation
Dear Amy: My son and my oldest daughter, “Kelsie,” share an apartment.
I live in another state. I’m worried about Kelsie. She has always been extremely messy. I have learned that issues with hoarding/ OCD may be inherited, and I always assumed that Kelsie’s issues were passed down through her father.
Kelsie’s problem has gotten worse over the years, with rotting food in the refrigerator, broken appliances, and plumbing, etc.
Kelsie isn’t a “collector,” so much as she never throws anything away.
If her cat was a child, CPS would have taken the animal away from her. My son now spends most of his time elsewhere.
He and my other daughter have asked me to pull the “mom card” and see if I can reach Kelsie to get help.
Because she and I work together (in different locations, remotely), we will be sharing a hotel at an upcoming meeting, so I will have the opportunity to speak with her. I am not afraid of the conversation. I love her and hope she can get help, but I don’t know what help is available.
I’m willing to have someone go in and help her clean, but this will happen again (as it has before), if we don’t get to the root of the issue.
Kelsie is not proactive in taking care of herself.
What are your suggestions? Needs an Intervention
Dear Intervention: According to a 2011 study, approximately 3 percent to 5 percent of Americans have a hoarding disorder. Increased awareness of hoarding through media reports has probably been a good thing, because you understand that this is not a character flaw — your daughter needs treatment. Her behavior might be linked to anxiety, depression, or OCD. You are correct that the problem will not be solved by hiring a cleaner, and will likely get worse over time.
Yes, speak to her in person. Be gentle and compassionate. Understand that this conversation will cause her a lot of anxiety. I’ve read that cognitive behavioral therapy — through “exposure therapy” — might help. This is where a person is coached to confront the physical reality of their hoarding with the intensive help of a therapist. It would require her ongoing determination to work toward recovery.