Father-to-be stuggles to make friends

Dear Amy: I’m a 33-year-old man with a great partner, a good career, and a baby on the way. My life is going really well and I’m thankful, but my lack of friends has always nagged at me.

If you’ve ever seen the movie “I Love You, Man,” then you know how I feel.

It’s about a guy who is generally happy, but lacks a close-enough friend to serve as his best man when he gets married. It’s a comedy, but I was actually upset by it because I identify with the main character so much.

I’ve heard that a lot of men deal with this and that it can even have negative health implications.

It’s not fair for me to lean on my partner as my social network and only emotional support, but I’ve always struggled with this. It was tough in school and university, but as an adult it’s gotten even more difficult.

I don’t need or want to be best friends with everyone, but having a couple of close friends to go with me for coffee or to the movies would be nice. It would also take some pressure off my partner.

How can I break this cycle and expand my social circle? Little Circle Seeks Bigger

Circle

Dear Little Circle: You are describing a common issue for men, that unfortunately isn’t acknowledged openly enough, and this is the challenge of building emotionally intimate male friendships.

Some of these challenges might shift and ease a bit with fatherhood — because children have a way of bringing parent-friends together, but again, as you astutely acknowledge, your partner will likely be doing a lot of the friendship-forming and connecting.

You don’t seem to have a problem meeting other people, but, like the Paul Rudd character in “I Love You, Man,” you want to develop the tools to close the friendship deal. This doesn’t mean you’re currently doing anything wrong ... you’re simply behaving the way you know.

Challenges with emotional intimacy likely go back to the male role models in your early life.

Emotional intimacy can be learned, and once you are more open and available, you will experience hits and misses — just like dating. And — just like with dating — the personal rewards and sense of fulfillment can be life-changing.