Boyfriend thinks that he is bisexual
Dear Amy: I have been with my current boyfriend for a year. After hitting it off at a party, he immediately asked me out. He seemed very into me during the initial dating phase, and then we made it official in April.
Halfway through the summer he admitted to me that, based on his “behavior with guys at parties,” he thought he was bisexual.
Although he says he has never been in a relationship with a man, or (apparently) had sex with a man, he claimed that his feelings toward men had been increasing and leaving him feeling overwhelmed with erotic fantasies.
I can’t help but feel duped by the fact that he waited to tell me this — until I told him I loved him.
He has been yo-yo-ing between wanting to be in a relationship with me and breaking up, because he says he doesn’t know whether he could pursue a long-term relationship with anyone until he knew more about his sexuality.
In the past, we have spoken about moving in together. We have even speculated about what our children might look like. Now I feel very hurt and confused.
We have also spoken about breaking up to enable him to explore his sexuality.
I don’t know whether encouraging him to stay with me is selfish, as it is not allowing him the space to discover who he really is.
I don’t know what to do. Am I being too close-minded?
Lost
Dear Lost: You don’t sound close-minded, and you don’t sound particularly selfish. You sound like someone who is trying very hard to be in a steady and monogamous relationship with a man who is telling you — every way he knows how — that he wants (and needs) to explore.
You two are headed in opposite directions. You are thinking about cohabiting and babies, and he is thinking about ... well, he’s thinking about a lot of other things, most of which seem to point him toward other people and other relationships.
You do not have the option of forcing him to stay with you. Nor should you coerce him to stay with you. You need to let him go, and — because being in an open relationship wouldn’t be healthy for you — you should love and support him as a friend, while he figures out who he is — and what he wants.