Son’s introduction leads to confusion
Dear Amy: I’m a college sophomore. I came out to my parents as a transgender man a few months back. Since I don’t live at home, this hasn’t been much of an issue; but recently when I went home for Thanksgiving, both of my parents introduced me to their friends as their daughter.
I’m a man, and I look like one. There’s always visible confusion on these people’s faces, and for the most part I’ve just let it slide, but it makes me incredibly uncomfortable.
Should I correct my folks in the moment, or simply reintroduce myself later? The Christmas season means
I’ll be home again, and that means meeting more people.
Embarrassed
Dear Embarrassed: Talk to your parents about this. Tell them how you want to be addressed. If you have changed your first name, make sure they understand that it is easier on you and others if they introduce you this way.
You have been living in your body during your transition, but your parents haven’t physically been with you and are still anchored to the person they raised as a daughter.
Just as every transition is different for every individual, loved ones sometimes struggle with the loss they associate with this change. Your folks may worry about you and feel guilty about the pain you might have been feeling, pre-transition. Help them to understand that this is liberating and beautiful for you. Assume that they will adjust to this change, just as you have — in sometimes awkward stages.
Because you have chosen to be home for the holidays, I’m going to assume that your family is flawed, like all families, but loving at its core.
Glaad.org has some helpful information that your folks might use — about how to become an ally to transgendered people.
If you face your family relationships with honesty, grace, forgiveness and humor, you might lead the way toward a new way of behaving and relating. This is a big lift for a young person, but you know who you are — and now you can show the world.
If a botched introduction leads to confusion, you can say, “I’m a transgender man. We’re all adjusting. Please, call me ‘Carlo.’ I’m very happy to see you, and Merry Christmas!”
In short, simply be you.