Beau’s snooping nets upsetting truth

Dear Amy: My girlfriend and I have been dating on and off for about six months. Both of us have been married before.

She needed me to unlock her phone for her, because she left it at the house and needed some information from it.

I began scanning through a few text messages. I found out she has a “friend” whom she met for breakfast and lunch recently. She made no mention of this male friend to me.

I also found a message from someone in her past who was telling her how much he missed her and that he loved her. She agreed that she missed him and loved him, too.

I obviously can’t disclose to her that I have violated her trust. I did tell her that she was talking in her sleep and said the guy’s name from her past. I asked about him and she said he is just a childhood friend from her hometown and yes, she loves him just as she does her other friends.

I pressed her about a past relationship and she denies it, despite me having seen for my own eyes via text and pictures that it is a lie.

Do I reveal how I found out about these things and challenge her? I am confused. Help!

Guilty and Confused

Dear Guilty: Yes, you should confess what you’ve done, because, yes, it is the truth! If you want to have an honest, authentic relationship, then you should both ask and answer questions about past and current relationships. Do not confront her in anger or accuse her of anything (she doesn’t seem to have done anything wrong); simply ask her to talk to you about her likes and loves, past and present.

Your off-and-on-again girlfriend of six months can then make a choice either to blame you for what you’ve done or to engage in an honest conversation about the people in her life who are important to her. You can hope that you are one of them.

Dear Amy: I was so amused and truly comforted to see the question from “Screw Loose in Lucedale,” the woman who worried about the fact that she talked all day long to her cat. I’ve been doing this for years!

Lucid

Dear Lucid: Hundreds of readers responded: If this is wrong, I don’t want to be right!