Woman wonders if date might be gay

Dear Amy: I’m a woman, currently dating a man younger than me. He pursued me relentlessly before I agreed to go out with him.

On our first date, I leaned in to kiss him and he got a terrified look on his face and blurted out, “I’m gay...!”

I immediately left and avoided him for days.

He convinced me that he was just trying to shock me, and was just messing around.

Every single time we’re together he brings up different scenarios, and asks me things like, “What would you do if you caught me kissing this guy or that guy?”

I asked him the other night why we never go to his place and his answer was, “I don’t know, maybe I’m gay.”

I believe he might be closeted and in denial.

Any thoughts?

Unsure

Dear Unsure: My thoughts: If you try to kiss someone and he recoils in terror, saying, “I’m gay,” then he’s most likely gay.

If he consistently brings up scenarios where he speculates about your reaction to him kissing this guy or that, then he’s at least gay-adjacent or bi-curious.

If you ask him why you don’t go to his place, or why he didn’t finish his entree, or why he likes the color green and he says, “I don’t know, maybe I’m gay,” then — yep.

There are probably many great reasons this man wants to date you. But he also seems eager to find ways to talk about his own sexuality.

You could ask him if he is at a sexual crossroads. Would he like to talk about it in an honest, noninvasive way?

If you want to be sexually active with him and he finds all sorts of reasons to avoid or evade physical contact with you, then it’s time for you to make a decision about being with him, based on your own desires, and not his.

Dear Amy: “Distressed” upset some family members by posting her own personal and negative feelings about her (deceased) mother.

I recently had a close friend who died. Her husband asked me to help notify other friends, which I did, by phone. Within five minutes of our call, one friend had posted it on Facebook, shocking those intimate friends who had not been personally notified. It was the height of selfishness.

Upset

Dear Upset: I agree.

Ask Amy,

P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. e-mail: askamy@tribune.com