Friend struggles with guilt after loss

Dear Abby: My dearest friend passed away five years ago. He was a severe alcoholic, and his death resulted from it. I was aware of how bad things had gotten and I was trying to talk him into getting help. I live across the country but visited and spoke with him often. I was considering telling his parents how bad things were since they were mainly supporting him, but I was torn because he was an adult, and I didn’t know if it would be appropriate.

Well, while I was considering it, he passed away, and I haven’t been able to get over the guilt. I feel like I should’ve done more. I have a strong urge to tell his parents I knew how he was doing and was contemplating telling them and how sorry I am that I didn’t. Would it be selfish, like rubbing salt in their wounds, just so I can find some kind of peace?

Full of Regrets

Dear Full: Please forgive yourself and stop secondguessing. The deceased was responsible for his own alcohol-related death. If his parents were supporting him financially, they were already aware their son had a serious problem. Discuss this with your religious adviser, or ask your doctor or your insurance provider to refer you for some sessions with a licensed psychotherapist with whom you can work through this.

Dear Abby: I have had a girlfriend for about three years, but I have recently begun to feel indifferent about our relationship. We have to travel at least 45 minutes to see each other and don’t always see each other on weekends. I have been trying to convince her to move into my townhome, but something new arises each time I bring it up.

Recently, a younger woman (she’s 21, I’m 32) showed an interest in me during one of my sports games. She’s religious and I’m not, and that’s a deal-breaker for me. I’m torn between continuing to try to build my current relationship, trying to pursue the new one, or taking a step back from relationships to focus on my personal goals. Any thoughts, Abby?

Pondering in Pennsylvania

Dear Pondering: It doesn’t appear that you OR your girlfriend of three years is really ready to take things to the next level.

As to the younger one, you just stated clearly that her religiosity is a deal-breaker for you. Your third option makes the most sense. Concentrate on your personal goals for a while, and with time, your love life will work itself out.