Abused wife must not remain silent

Dear Abby: I have known my husband for eight years. We’ve been married for four. Abby, my husband rapes me while I’m asleep. I have told him how it makes me feel, because I was molested when I was younger. When my second child was conceived, I don’t even remember doing anything. He never did this when we were dating. We do things every now and again, but NOT how we used to. I’m afraid if I leave him I’ll be breaking my vows and setting a bad example. What should I do?

Silent Victim in Georgia

Dear Silent Victim: If you haven’t already done it, obtain birth control to prevent you from becoming pregnant without your consent again. Contact the Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network (rainn.org; 800-656-4673) and let a counselor there know what has been going on. Then consult a lawyer, get out of there and don’t look back!

Dear Abby: We have a family wedding coming later this year that we’re all very happy about. We are, however, concerned about one family member’s drinking.

Our concern is this family member will become loud, disruptive and embarrassing. Should we address this ahead of time with the family member, which will be uncomfortable? Or should we take our chances that they will realize they should be on their best behavior?

Bracing Ourselves in Tennessee

Dear Bracing: When in doubt, speak out. Sometimes crossing one’s fingers and hoping for the best is not enough of a precaution. In a case like this, leave nothing to chance.

Dear Abby: My husband and I are good friends with another couple. One of them is having an affair, which is destroying their family. The cheater has lied to us repeatedly trying to cover their tracks. We all know the truth. How can we continue being friends when we do not condone these behaviors? It’s difficult because the friendship is long, rooted in community and we care deeply for them all.

Awkward in the South

Dear Awkward: Step back and stay out of the line of fire. If the marriage fails, be as supportive to the spouse as you can. However, if the cheater continues his/her relationship with the lover, you may see the new couple on a far less frequent basis.