Stamford Advocate

Addict son wants to move back home

- Jeanne Phillips Write to Dear Abby at P.O. Box 96440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or

Dear Abby: My 24-year-old son is in rehab for the second time. We paid for the first, but we are not financing this one. He has moved in and out of our home since he was 18. We have tried written agreements, but he doesn’t follow them. We let him move back in after his first stay in rehab, despite the fact that he had stolen from us and had failed to get a job, etc. One month later, he began using again.

He claims to be taking rehab seriously this time, and wants to move back in with us when he gets out. Over the past year, we spent several thousand dollars helping him solve his problems. Our question is, will we be enabling him by letting him return home, or would it be best to help him transition to a halfway house?

Supportive Parents

Dear Supportive Parents: Do NOT allow your son to move back in without first discussing it with the people at his rehabilita­tion center whose business it is to work with addicts. From my perspectiv­e, it would be better for your son — and for you — to have him pursue his sobriety at a halfway house.

Dear Abby: My son is getting married in a few months. I always believed that if my child loved his partner, I would like him or her and be happy for them. Race, religion, sexual orientatio­n, etc., would never have mattered to me.

I found out this week that my future daughter-inlaw totally rejects modern medicine. My son is a cystic fibrosis carrier. She refuses to be tested.

She plans home-births with her mother as her midwife and believes vaccinatio­ns are harmful. My son supports none of this, but plans to marry her anyway. They want to get pregnant right away and eventually have five children. She’s only 21, and intelligen­t, but she has been home-schooled, and her father does not allow internet in their home. I feel her position on medicine is due to not being informed. Is there anything I can do?

Heartbroke­n in Michigan

Dear Heartbroke­n: Not a lot. You could point out to your son that he should insist he and his fiancee have genetic testing done before starting a family, which could avert a tragic and preventabl­e problem. Other than that, all you can do is cross your fingers and pray the young couple will catch a lucky break in a game of genetic roulette.

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