Reader settles for absent boyfriend

Dear Abby: I have been with my boyfriend for eight years. When I met him he was married, but his wife lived in another state. Although he said he loved her, he would visit her only for a week every other month or so. While he was there, instead of concentrating on her he spent most of his time visiting his friends.

He never intended to leave her for me, but she found out about us a year ago and told him she wanted a divorce. It became final a few months ago. He tells me he loves me every day, but he still spends a lot of time with his friends. We used to be together two or three days a week; we are down to one night most weeks, and occasionally two nights.

I don’t think he looks forward to our time together the way I do. I’m afraid if I have a heart-to-heart conversation with him about this, he will walk away from our relationship. I am terrified of being alone, so I settle for waiting for my turn.

Abby, it feels like he cares less for me than for his friends. Am I fighting a losing battle to stay with someone who seems so cavalier about our relationship?

Left Out in Washington

Dear Left Out: This isn’t a losing battle you are fighting; the battle is over. If you really want a companion, find someone who is willing to share his life with you to the extent that you are willing to share yours with him. This man isn’t the one.

Dear Abby: For the past week, my son-in-law has been texting me daily. I don’t mind his texting about normal things, but he’s either seeking a very close friendship or he is attracted to me. He and my daughter are 22 and very religious. I don’t think asking me via text how he looks shirtless now compared to a year ago (he has texted me twice with no shirt on) is appropriate.

There have been other red flags on his side of the conversation, and I have never misled him in any way. Should I confront him via text? Should I tell my daughter? I do not want her to be mad at me.

Only His Mother-In-Law

Dear M.I.L.: If your sonin-law’s texts are suggestive or make you uncomfortable, speak up and tell HIM — not your daughter. If he persists in that vein, discuss it with her then. As to his request for a comment on his physique, ask him why he’s asking his mother-in-law and not his wife.