Mom won’t tell child about her dad

Dear Abby: My grandson passed away three months before his daughter was born. When she was 6 months old, her mom moved in with her new boyfriend. We were allowed visits for a couple of years, but that stopped, so we had to take the mom to court.

We learned our visits had been stopped because we referred to her boyfriend by his name instead of “Daddy.” We are not allowed to tell our grandchild who her father is. At what age should a child be told the truth?

Truth Teller in the South

Dear Truth Teller: Your former daughter-in-law may prefer her little one call her boyfriend “Daddy” because the man is the only father figure your granddaughter has ever known. The time for her to be told all the facts would be when she’s old enough to understand the information AND her mother chooses to tell her.

Dear Abby: How do you deal with a relative whose child is autistic when they come for holiday dinners and let their child climb on the furniture and walk around the house touching everything with soiled hands?

These parents post about “treating him like a normal child,” but they don’t with expectations. I feel intimidated about saying things like, “Please don’t climb on the furniture, sit at the table, wash hands your,” etc. What’s your advice?

Tentative in Florida

Dear Tentative: Quit allowing yourself to be “intimidated” and tell these parents you would prefer your socializing to be adults only — for the reasons you stipulated in your letter. Or, when you would like to spend time with them, arrange for it to be al fresco rather than inside. Dear Abby: I need your thoughts about a good friend who, at the end of the month of my birthday or the first week of the next one, hits me with a birthday card. Then she says she doesn’t know my exact birthdate but at least she remembers the month and I should be thankful.

Four years later, I am tempted to tell her if it’s not important enough to remember the day, why bother? Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Birthday Boy in Texas

Dear Birthday Boy:

Frankly, you are being a bit picky. That said, however, gratitude can’t be ordered like an item on a takeout menu, which your friend appears to be trying to convince you to do. Express you would prefer she save her postage money.