‘When I Grow up’
Mariam Azeez was in first grade at Hawley Elementary School in Newtown when 20 children her age and six educators were killed in Sandy Hook Elementary School in December 2012. After the elementary school shooting in Uvalde, Texas, that killed 19 children and two teachers, Azeez, now 15, wrote a poem that she read Thursday evening during a vigil at Trinity Episcopal Church in Newtown. Those at the vigil gave her a standing ovation. Azeez and her family live in Newtown and Danbury, and she attends Danbury High School.
When a stinger stings Their last sting You hear your phone ring We are bees, Seeds Of the earth, Perfection at birth, PollinatorsImmortal. Flying high, But .... We are dying off, And we don’t know why. All we do is study in a sanctuary, A home, And draw a little, Maybe even sing, And take care of our hive. We have parents, And dreams, And hopes, We carry the burden of the world, Because we have time, We will relax later. But when is later? There is no more time! Scientists and politicians say they don’t know why we are dying, When flying, We want to be alive!! But we DO know why. And the thought of our stingers have always kept us safe, Even though we know we must never use them. “Use pepper spray”
“Always keep your phone on”
“Look both ways when you cross the street” Turn off the lights, This is the door we exit from, This is the room we hide in, This is the desk we barricade the door with, This is the window we wait for rescue from, This is the hand you cover your mouth with, This is the pencil you will use as a weapon, This is the last text you send your mother, “I love you mom.” This is the guard bee who needs to protect the Children At Play Because who will? We do know why. Inside this hive, We let inside, A bee killer. He waited, For his resentment to manifest into hatred, He is not a bee. He has no fuzz.
No clear motive.
He puts on a yellow jacket,
He uses his stinger,
His vile wish for a cleansing of the weak,
He can use a stinger multiple times.
An apex predator,
A monster,
A human.
When the stinger stings,
Their last sting,
The hive will ring your phone,
To let you know they’ll bring,
A mini body bag fit just for your child to your door. They’ll bring cookies,
And thoughts and prayers,
But since when did such meaningless words ever bring a mother comfort? Did you think your thoughts and prayers will bring that bee back? “He was listening to rap music”
“He was playing video games
“He was having a bad day.”
All these things we will soon say.
What about our promise?
To protect the earth?
To protect our kids?
But has anyone ever questioned his ability to sting?
Or the way he boasted about his weapon on social media?
I don’t know much.
I’m just a little bee in a big world.
But what I do know is we let him in.
We saw him in all his sinful colors.
I can’t say I watched him grow.
I can’t say I knew his motive.
But I can say while growing up I wanted to become a police officer because witnessing 20 students my age in my town come home in bags was traumatizing enough.
At 6 years old,
I felt the burden of being the one who had to do something.
At 4 years old, I said, “When I grow up I will become a unicorn.” At 6 years old, I said, “When I grow up I will become a police officer.” At 8 years old, I said, “When I grow up I will become a lawyer” When I grow up I will become a doctor.
When I grow up I will become a firefighter.
When I grow up I will become a ninja.
When I grow up I will become a teacher.
When I grow up I will become a veterinarian.
When I grow up I will become an actor.
When I grow up I will become a detective.
When I grow up I will become a baseball player.
When I grow up I will become a lighthouse guard. When I grow up I will become a…
I don’t know all too much about the world and its complexities, I don’t know all too much about our functions in society and your policies, But I do know this.
Every baby bee in this hive.
Has once uttered these words
“When I grow up”
When will we let them grow up?