Charlotte Bacon’s family ‘never erased her presence’
Charlotte Bacon’s family plants her favorite pink flowers in their garden and eats Big Y fried chicken and strawberry shortcake on her birthday. Ten years after her death, her artwork is still framed and hanging on their walls.
“We remember her beyond her birthday and death day,” said her mother JoAnn Bacon.
“We never erased her presence from our house,” Bacon said. “And you can find her love in everything we say and do.”
Charlotte, 6, was among the 20 first graders and six educators who were killed at Sandy Hook Elementary School 10 years ago on Dec. 14, 2012. Her family has kept her memory alive through their daily actions and a foundation created in her honor.
“Eventually, we found balance in the then and now, but life without our little girl lacks the brilliance and sparkle we once took for granted,” wrote JoAnn Bacon. “We grieve for Charlotte every day, and our love for her continues to grow in unexpected ways.”
Bacon replied via email to questions from Hearst Connecticut Media about her daughter and 10 years without “the exclamation point to our family.” She was involved in the effort to establish the just-opened Sandy Hook memorial.
“Charlotte was an intelligent and independent little girl,” Bacon recalled. “She was known for her mischief and liked to do things her way, even if that required her to break the rules once in a while.”
Bacon said her daughter enjoyed working with her father “solving problems,” outdoor activities like gardening with mom, “getting dirty inspecting insects,” climbing rocks with her brother and catching snowflakes on her tongue, and constructing blanket forts for her stuffed dogs.
Charlotte also loved real animals and had “dreams of becoming a ‘doggy doctor.’ ” As a result, the Charlotte Helen Bacon Foundation founded in her memory has funded a scholarship at North Carolina State School of Veterinary Medicine and efforts to establish therapy dog protocols at schools.
“In addition, it was important to us that Charlotte be remembered for exactly how she was, so we wrote the children’s book, ‘Good Dogs, Great Listeners — The Story of Charlotte, Lily and the Litter,’ ” Bacon said. “The book shares the adventures of Charlotte and our yellow lab, Lily, in a delightful way that captures her mischief and heart.”
‘Charlotte Bacon’s family foremost’
Explaining how Charlotte’s loved ones coped immediately after her death and in the longer term, Bacon wrote, “We tried very hard to live our lives as we did before Charlotte’s murder. We desired privacy and fiercely protected it. We did not want the world to have a view into our living room and knew our privacy would be compromised if we went down the advocacy road.”
Bacon said, “Our primary goal was moving our grieving family from point A to point B in the healthiest way possible. We did this with much support and love from our family and close friends.”
Bacon sat on the Sandy Hook Permanent Memorial Commission, founded in 2013 to, according to the group’s website, recommend how best to honor and celebrate the 26 victims of the shooting and “provide comfort to those who loved and were touched by them.”
Located a quarter-mile from the new Sandy Hook Elementary, the memorial’s centerpiece is a sycamore tree and a reflecting pond encircled with the names of those who died.
“I am very proud of how the (planning) process was handled. It was done with respect, reverence and patience,” said Bacon, calling the memorial “stunning and tragic.”
“The large scale of the water feature that bears the names of the 26 victims was jarring the first time I saw it,” Bacon said. “I was overwhelmed by its size and the visual reminder of the magnitude of loss. I hope it is a place that many will go to remember those who died and be grounded in the truth of what happened on Dec. 14, 2012.”
Bacon said, “Some may think the process took longer than it should have, but I disagree. This is not something to be rushed. Time is needed when handling something so sensitive, and the memorial unfolded in a way that allowed families to participate ... at a level and timeframe that worked for them.”
Asked what she would like readers to understand about her and her family’s experience, Bacon said, “Grief looks different for everyone.”
“No one emotion is good or bad, healthy or unhealthy. They all have a place and are fluid,” Bacon wrote. “Just like grief, the journeys 26 families chose after catastrophic loss is also individual and should not be judged. Each family has different life experiences, circumstances and personal beliefs. It is important not to lump us together or make assumptions with a group approach.”
Charlotte’s foundation funded a study, released in 2020, of the effect the shooting had on the families, based on 15 interviews conducted in 2017. It concluded there should be better trauma education that recognizes the need to treat grief individually.
Bacon said, “We are all doing our best to live our lives in accordance with our values as well as honor the life of our beloved in ways that are unique to them.”
“I ask for respect for our journey,” she said. “And understanding that we are Charlotte Bacon’s family foremost, and a Sandy Hook family secondary.”