Friend expects reader to do the work
Dear Abby: We moved from Indiana to Florida 30 years ago. Ten years later, I moved back for a job, but returned to Florida after 9/11. I recently received a letter from a friend telling me that I hadn’t visited Indiana in 14 years.
This friend, who has been in a long-standing relationship for 40 years, visited us once in Florida 28 years ago. He surprised us by coordinating a liaison during that visit with an old boyfriend — who slept over. It was very awkward. This friend hasn’t visited us here again, but did travel to Miami. We drove eight hours round-trip to see him and his partner.
I know from others that he and his partner have come down to Florida often over the past 30 years without calling or seeing us. I was also close to his sisters when we lived in Indiana, but only one visited us — 26 years ago — and never again. Why must I be the traveler?
One-Sided in Florida
Dear One-Sided: You and this person are pen pals, nothing more. If you enjoy the correspondence, ignore the attempt at a guilt trip if that’s what the comment was intended to be. You and his sisters are acquaintances, not friends. Their lack of communication with you should have sent that message. I cannot understand why you should chase after them.
Dear Abby: I have been married for almost three years to an incredible man. It’s the third marriage for both of us. I have an older daughter, and he has two older children — a son and a daughter. Last year, they both welcomed their own children.
I’m not sure where I fit in when it comes to being a grandparent. Friends of mine said I am a grandma. I say, “By default, I am a grandma.” My friends also said instead of calling me “Grandma,” the grandkids could call me something else to differentiate between their biological grandmas and me. I recently signed a birthday card for one of the grandkids and wasn’t sure if I should sign just my name “Louise” or “Grandma Louise,” so I settled on “G-ma Louise.”
In my heart, I feel they are my grandkids. AM I a grandma?
Status Unknown in California
Dear Status Unknown:
You are as much a grandma as you would like to be, and to the extent the children’s parents will allow it. Many families agree on the names the grandparents are called, and I see no reason why yours should be an exception.