The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard
As the sequel to 2017’s “The Hitman’s Bodyguard,” “The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard” ( **** OUT OF **** ) is far funnier and even more satirical than its hyperactive predecessor. Actress Elodie Yung is the only cast member who doesn’t reprise her role as Michael Bryce’s girlfriend Interpol Agent Amelia Roussel. Scenarists Tom O’connor and Philip & Brandon Murphy make no mention of Agent Roussel’s absence in their screenplay. Nevertheless, supporting characters in the original film encore in cameos, including Richard E. Grant as the paranoid accountant Seifert who sought Bryce’s services after the disastrous airport debacle involving an infamous Asian executive Kurosawa (Tsuwayuki Saotome). Moreover, we learn about the circumstances surrounding Darius Kincaid’s incredible shot that put Kurosawa in a coffin. A similar group of nuns that accompanied Michael
and Darius on the bus in the original appear on ferry with Michael and Sonia. Salma Hayek’s role has been considerably expanded. She takes front and center rather than loiters on the periphery. The latest cast addition is Morgan Freeman. Not only does he play Michael’s adopted father, but he also is a bodyguard himself, who has amassed more accolades than Michael. We learn about Michael’s aversion to Gelato ice cream. Tough guy actor Frank Grillo is cast as an abrasive Boston detective inexplicably reassigned to Interpol who strongarms Michael and Darius into their latest escapade. “Expendables 3” director Patrick Hughes, who directed “The Hitman’s Bodyguard,” is back at the helm, and he has conjured up some spectacular stunts for our heroes to survive as they contend with a madcap Greek villain, played with suave aplomb by Spanish actor Antonio Banderas. Like the original film,
“The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard” takes place primarily in Europe as well as on the Mediterranean, though it was filmed largely in Croatia.
“The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard” opens with our grieving hero Michael Bryce still reeling from the loss of his Triple-a-bodyguard license because Darius killed his most important client. We find Michael flat on a couch in a psychiatrist’s office as the action unfolds. The psychiatrist (Rebecca Front of “Marionette”) suggests Michael stash his guns and enjoy a nice vacation on the picturesque limestone island of Capri in southern Italy and maintain a daily journal about his recovery. Meantime, Bryce is still obsessed with facing a tribunal so he can get his Triple-a-bodyguard rated license back. His shrink compromises with Michael and allows him to keep his penknife as long as he dispenses with his firearms. Meantime,
the nation of Greece faces stiff sanctions from the European Union as the country’s economy spirals into a freefall. EU Chairman Walter Fiscer plans to impose them in four days. The chief villain in “Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard” is Aristotle Papdopolous (Antonio Banderas of “The Mask of Zorro”), and he threatens to burn all of Europe’s infrastructure if Fiscer refuses to reverse the democratic vote that brought about the issue. Aristotle swells his chest with oratory and proclaims, “Financial markets will collapse, and millions of lives will be lost while Greece will return to her rightful place at the center of civilization!” The last we see of Fiscer is as Aristotle’s henchmen slip a plastic bag over his head to suffocate him.
Meantime, on sunny Capri, Michael Bryce is actually trying to recuperate. Sprawled on a beach cot, he tries to imagine life without bodyguarding, guns, and blood as he reads a book and listens to serene music. Little does he realize that dozens of armed killers have swarmed into the area and are shooting it up while he indulges in his reverie. Michael’s dream vacation ends abruptly when a bosomy babe, Sonia
Kincaid (Salma Hayek of “Bandidas”), rips off his head phones, and our hero realizes he is under fire in a battlefield. “The mafia took my husband,” screams Sonia! “We have got to go get him!” Little does Michael know that Sonia visited his shrink and tortured her about his whereabouts. Sonia explains that Darius insisted on Michael by name. Little does either know
Sonia misunderstood Darius. Instead, Darius asked for anybody but Michael Bryce! Sonia shoots their way out of Capri, straddles a motor scooter with Bryce riding tandem, and the killers pursue them in a bulletriddled chase. Ultimately, Sonia and Michael wind up plunging from a towering cliff into the sea to surface in an underwater grotto. Remember the surprise in the end credits of “The Hitman’s Bodyguard?” Darius did enough time in Bellmarsh Prison to secure Sonia’s release and then he broke out! Now, they were on their honeymoon when Darius mysteriously disappeared. Sonia stuns Michael when she announces Darius and she plan to have a baby. “My God have mercy on our souls,” moans Michael. Not surprisingly, Darius isn’t pleased when Michael and Sonia rescue him from the mafia and Sonia realizes her goof.
Meantime, Aristotle plots his EU reprisal. During a secret rendezvous with Europe’s most notorious cyber hacker, Gunther Van Weber (Blake Ritson of “Rocknrolla”), Aristotle learns how to penetrate tungsten carbide data junction boxes with a diamond drill. Thousands of these boxes in classified locations are scattered across Europe. After drilling into a data box in Zagreb, Croatia, Gunther uploads his lethal virus and weaponizes everything connected to it. A high velocity power surge fries the power grid, and the toll starts out with 75 dead. Aristotle’s henchmen murder Gunther, steal his virus, and set out to destroy the rest. Interpol Agent Bobby O’neill (Frank Grillo of “Beyond Skyline”) learns from his mafia contact, Carlo (Miltos Yerolemou of “The Danish Girl”), about the next attack, but this colossal comedy of errors takes an even funnier turn when O’neill clashes with Michael, Sonia, and Darius after they have iced Carlo. O’neill coerces them into doing what Interpol cannot.
This synopsis covers only the first 20 minutes of the 100 in “The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard.” You can only imagine the insane hilarity and big surprises left in its remaining 80 minutes.