Late night humor
A roundup of the best lines
Jimmy Fallon
Despite all the controversy, President Obama says he’s still moving forward with the healthcare law. In fact, the WhiteHouse announced that residents of Florida will have 102 different insurance options when Obamacare rolls
out. Cuz that’s one thing we know people in Florida love— it’s a confusing number of options.
Hey here’s some really good news for New Yorkers, I thought this was great. There’s a new study that found that NewYorkers are some of the most honest people in theworld. And on that note, I didn’t really read that study.
Yeah, NewYorkers are supposed to be really honest. In fact today, I sawa lady drop a 20- dollar bill, and this guy said with complete honesty, “I’m gonna take that.”
This is just insane. Lastweek, police found 31 suitcases filled with cocaine on an Air France flight coming back from Venezuela. Police say already have a suspect: the guy who had no problem paying two thousand dollars in checked baggage fees.
Craig Ferguson
A plane had to make an emergency landing in France because a dozen Scottish passengers wouldn’t stop dancing. The police have released a statement saying that alcohol may have been a factor. Now, I am Scottish. I KNOW alcohol was a factor. There is no “may” about this.
Jay Leno
It looks like the federal government could be shutting down. The legal definition of a government shutdown is when Congress continues not towork, but they do it from home. Pundits say President Obama is starting to lose support from his own party. To give you an idea how bad it’s gotten, today Jimmy Carter compared him to Jimmy Carter.
Syrian President Assad told FoxNews that if he were ever to talk to President Obama hewould tell Obama to “listen to your people.” Is he the one to give advice about listening to his people? His people are shooting at him!
ConanO’Brien
Chicago has now surpassed New York City as the murder capital of theUnited States. That’s really surprising since New York has twice as many NFL teams.
Kevin Trudeau, the king of infomercials, has been sent to jail for fraud. The judge sentenced him to 10 years. But then he said, “Wait, there’s more,” and added another five years.