Medical issues are hurting sex drive

Dear Amy: My wife and I have been married for more than 50 years. We are both in our 70s. About seven months ago, my wife stopped having sex with me. She has been ill and so have I. She said she can’t have sex until she is completely better.

In all of our married years we have never gone so long without sex. It’s very frustrating for me. I’ve even started frequenting porn websites, which I’m ashamed of and never did before.

I feel ready and eager for intimacy and I don’t know what to do. She would never go to a therapist with this. We’re still tender to each other. I hug and kiss her when I’m leaving for a few hours to do errands. I love her very much.

I am very frustrated and upset. — An Old but Young Man

Dear Young Man: According to an overview of medical studies published by the National Institutes of Health, well over half of all women over the age of 50 report significant changes in sexual function and libido.

If medical problems caused your wife to lose her mojo, then medical intervention may help her to get it back. She should see her physician right away and discuss possible remedies.

Surgeries, medication and illness such as diabetes and depression have been shown to affect sexual function and desire.

You should strive to be an active and intimate partner to your wife through this challenge. Can you hold, hug and kiss her in bed without pressing for sex? This might help to relieve some of the stress for both of you.

While viewing pornography might relieve your immediate frustration, it could also be an impediment to your intimate connection. Feelings of shame or guilt are not healthy feelings to take into your long and loving marriage. Write to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.