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Couple want son and not daughter

- Amy Dickinson

Dear Amy: We have alDear Dr. Roach: Lately I ways been very close to our have come to realize that the son. Since he has been in a Lyme disease vaccine disapserio­us relationsh­ip with a peared some time ago. It is woman, he seems to have put like it never was. The elderly her first — and on a pedestal. physician who administer­ed

We feel like we don’t know it is long gone. No one has him anymore and don’t see heard of it. I can’t find referhim so much anymore. We ences to it. So, do you know have heard how sons lean anything about this treattowar­d the girl’s side and ment? What was wrong with that daughters are closer to the vaccine? Is there some their own families. unseen disaster lurking? I

There have been horrible would appreciate any inforstori­es about future daughmatio­n you can give me. — ter-in-laws. We are told to beJ.C. careful of how we behave and what we say. I want us all to be close.

How should we deal with this possible future daughter-in-law? — Worried Mom

Dear Worried: You don’t mention making any effort at all to get to know your son’s partner. Surely he could do a better job of bringing you together, but he’s not doing that — and so you should.

It is natural for adults to create a small circle around their partner, with themselves at the center. Perhaps you and your husband did that when you first got together. Ideally, you want your son to be an intimate and involved partner to his spouse. He will do this by putting her first. And you must not only let him do this, but understand that he will do this, and accept that there are many positive aspects in his choice.

Do you want your son to be happy, even if he is creating some distance from you? I hope the answer is yes. Your response should be to convey to him, “We are delighted that you have found someone who makes you so happy. We would love to get to know her better. Can you two come to dinner so we can get to know her?”

Your concern about this distance may make the distance and tension worse.

So yes, you must be careful, respectful, and open and accepting of this change in your family system. This woman might surprise you — and you should do your best to loop her into your family.

Write to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.

concern was whether the vaccine might cause an autoimmune arthritis, based on theoretica­l concerns of an antigen used in the vaccine. There certainly were people who developed arthritis after getting the vaccine.

However, follow-up studies showed that there was no overall increase in the rate of arthritis among those who got the vaccine, compared with people who did not. This suggests that the number of cases caused by the vaccine is low.

Because of the concerns for arthritis, multiple lawsuits and poor sales of the vaccine, the manufactur­er stopped production in 2002 and Pasteur, the manufactur­er of ImuLyme, decided not to attempt to license its vaccine, despite having higher effectiven­ess in early trials.

There is a Lyme vaccine available for dogs, and I have read reports of people, desperate to reduce susceptibi­lity to Lyme disease, using the canine vaccine (this is a bad idea). A new human vaccine is being developed by Baxter and tested in Europe; so far, there have not been major adverse events reported.

The antigen used in the previous vaccine, thought to have potential to cause arthritis, has been removed from the Baxter vaccine.

If the new vaccine is proven safe, it has the potential to prevent Lyme disease, which sometimes can go undiagnose­d for months or longer and can then affect the heart, nervous system and joints.

Write to Dr. Roach at ToYourGood­Health @med.cornell.edu.

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