Jimmy Kimmel
Seth Meyers
President Obama this weekend used the N-word when speaking about race relations in America. Which explains why everyone at Fox News today kept shouting, “And I quote …”
Johnny Depp’s private village in the south of France is on the market for nearly $26 million. So he must be living somewhere else because nothing with Johnny Depp in it has made $26 million in years.
General Mills announced that it will phase out all official flavors and colors from its cereals by 2017. The bad news is that now Cheerios and Fruit Loops will look exactly the same.
While leading reporters on a tour of one of his golf courses, Donald Trump said this week that “the Latinos love Trump and I love them.” And what better place for a white guy to declare his love for Latinos, than on a golf course.
Tonight is the NBA draft. For those unfamiliar with it, the NBA draft is basically a job fair for very tall people.
Some people paid more than $300 for tickets to go to the NBA draft, just to sit there and watch the draft. Also, it’s really your one chance to stand up and shout, “Is it me or is there a draft in here?”
Jimmy Fallon
Now that President Obama has 19 months left, media outlets are speculating about what his legacy will be. Some think it could be health care, or the trade deal. “Yeah, what could it be?” said the first black president, Barack Obama.
Congrats to 21-year-old Jordan Spieth, who won golf’s U.S. Open yesterday. You can tell he’s young because he’s never heard of any of the products they advertise during golf tournaments.
With Greece on the brink of defaulting on its bailouts, it’s rumored that it may consider asking Vladimir Putin for a loan. Even the devil said, “Don’t do it! Don’t mess with that guy.”
There are reports that North Korea has begun blocking people from using In- stagram. Which is ironic, since the whole country is basically one big Throwback Thursday.
Next month Amazon will start paying authors in its Kindle library by the number of pages people read instead of how many times their book is checked out. That’s great news for Amazon but not so great news for someone who, say, just wrote a kids’ book that’s only 15 pages long.
According to a new study, 88 percent of Facebook users have admitted to spending some time looking at their ex’s profile. While the other 12 percent have admitted to spending all of their time looking at their ex’s profile.
Yesterday Donald Trump said if he’s elected president he would rarely leave the White House to take vacations because there’s so much work to do. Donald Trump is the only man who can say he’s going to spend four years in a mansion and make it sound like a sacrifice.
There are reports that Chris Christie is going to announce that he’s running for president next week. It just so happens that our show is off next week for the Fourth of July, so I’d like to say to Chris Christie: Well played, my friend. Well played indeed.
Conan O’Brien
On a podcast the other day, President Obama used the N-word. In a related story, his new rap album drops on Wednesday.
Fourteen paintings by Adolf Hitler were sold at auction in Germany. After the auction the surprised buyer said, “Wait a second, it’s that Adolf Hitler?”
South Carolina and Mississippi are on the verge of taking down their state Capitol’s Confederate flags. Here’s the surprising part. They’re doing it just because Taylor Swift told them to.
Chevrolet put out a press release about its newest car written only in emojis. Ford did the same. Unfortunately the emojis were a lemon and a tow truck.
Scientists believe the first modern Europeans mated with Neanderthals. This is the oldest evidence yet of beer goggles.
At the Chicago Cubs game on Tuesday, people were surprised when a fan caught a foul ball while feeding his baby. People were shocked — not that he was holding a baby but because someone wearing a Cubs hat caught a ball.