Trump and Scott truly meant for each other
America’s pulse.”
Florida Gov. Rick Scott, in an op-ed in USA Today, praised Republican presidential front runner in a column headlined “Donald Trump has
It was early evening when the phone rang in Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate in Palm Beach. A few of the hired help sterilized the phone before handing it to Trump.
“Donald, this is Rick Scott. I’ve got some news for you.” “Who are you?” “Rick Scott. The governor of Florida.”
“Yeah, yeah, I think I’ve heard the name. What do you want? I don’t need your campaign donation. The Powerball jackpot is coffee change for a winner like me.” “Same with me, Donald.” “Keep talking.” “Anyway, just wanted to let you know I’ve written an opinion piece in which I tell everyone how great you are for the country, and ...”
“Do you want to buy some Make America Great hats? I can sell you a few dozen, Rick.”
“No hats. I just want you to know we have so much in common.”
“Please. Get to the point or I’ll start calling you a loser.”
“OK. We both hate Planned Parenthood. You want to defund it. I went on a witch hunt against Planned Parenthood clinics in Florida. When there was no evidence of wrongdoing, I had my folks write a press release that removed that point. Pretty clever, huh?
“Not bad. Keep going. I’m watching taped re-runs of “The Apprentice.” They can never replace me.”
“There’s more. We both love self-promotion. You tell everybody how rich you are and how nobody builds anything as good as you do. I promote by changing every subject, every issue, to how many jobs we’re adding. If a fast food joint in Opa-locka hires two fry cooks for the night shift, I’ll put out a press release with my photo.” “Not bad.” “OK. Think about issues. Neither one of us gets into specifics — I didn’t specifically endorse you, because I don’t deal in specifics — but it works like a charm.” “I’m starting to see a trend.” “And climate change, Mr. Trump. It’s a hoax, and we both know it. You say it was created by the Chinese to kill U.S. manufacturing. I simply say I’m no scientist.”
“Good, clean, to the point. I want to bury those environmental losers. Keep going Chuck.”
“Uh, Rick.” “Whatever.” “Immigration, Mr. Trump. You don’t want Mexicans. I don’t want Syrian refugees. We are so much alike.”
“Not bad. Let me tell you about the wall ...”
“There’s more, Mr. Trump. You declared bankruptcy four times, but it hasn’t hurt you. I could have bankrupt Florida with costly court cases like same-sex marriage, drug tests for welfare recipients, things like that. And last year there was an open records violation that wound up costing about $1 million. Yeah, I screwed up, but the taxpayers got the bill.”
“Great. Spend other people’s money. I’m starting to like you, John”
“Rick. Rick Scott. There’s more. We both love guns. You hate guncontrol laws, I think it’s great that every Floridian will be able to walk around with a gun and show it.”
“Wow. Are you my brother from another mother?”
“No, but there’s more. We both hate Obamacare with a passion.”
“Agreed. And it’s easy to say that when you are rich enough to have no worries about health care. Have I told you how rich I am?”
“I know Mr. Trump. And there’s more. We both hate government regulation.”
“I’m starting to get goose bumps, Harry. But what about insults? I’ve insulted Mexicans, people from Iowa, the disabled, women, Muslims, Cher, prisoners of war, Samuel L. Jackson, the media, all my opponents, Hillary and Bill, and any other losers. Who have you insulted?
“Well, some people in Florida probably think I’ve insulted their intelligence.”
“Wow, I hear that a lot too, Dan. I think we deserve each other.”
Gary Stein can be reached at gstein@sunsentinel.com, 954-356-4616 or on Twitter @SSEditorial.