Former friend flees first, worries later

Dear Amy: About five years ago, my (now ex) boyfriend and I leased a place with some friends. One of these friends, “Mark,” ended up sleeping withmy ex while wewere still together.

Mark also reneged on his financial obligations, leaving me to pick up the slack. He left the apartment a complete disaster, with animal fecesandrotten food allover his room. I had to clean it to avoid additional fees. I have not spoken to him since.

I recently ranintoMark at a party. I discreetly informed the host that I wanted to avoid Mark and left immediately.

Afterward, Mark sent me a very polite Facebook message saying itwas nice to see me and hewas sorry thatwe couldn’t get along.

After his note, I feel tremendously guilty for giving him the cold shoulder, but I’m also indignant — his behavior in the past was inexcusable. Should I be able to coexist with him, or was it justifiable forme to leave?

Is there a way to avoid bad-mouthing Mark while still justifying my immense distaste for him? I want to conveymy anger, but wish to avoid recounting a long and sordid history.

How should I handle this? — Ex-Friend

Dear Ex: It’s very easy for “Mark” to reach out, he wasn’t the one cleaning up poop. He has nothing to be angry about.

He doesn’t seem to have acknowledged his behavior and its extremeimpactonyou. If he did acknowledge and ask for forgiveness, you should consider granting it.

As it is, you should continue to avoid him if he makes you uncomfortable (though in my mind, he should leave, not you). It is gracious of you to want to avoid bad-mouthing him, but giving a simple and truthful explanation is fair play.

You could say, “We had a falling out several years ago; I don’t enjoy being around him.”

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