Rape victim feels fault for assault at

Dear Amy: When I was 11 years old, I had a huge crush on this guy.

He was 18, but he was like Fonzie and liked hanging around the younger crowd.

He asked if I wanted to come up and see him while he was camping, and I did.

After talking for a while, he asked if I wanted to play “Chicken.” He would put his hand on my leg and slowly go up it until I said “chicken.” He got to my knee and I said “chicken,” but he didn’t stop. He had his hand under my shirt before I knew it, and I was struggling to get away, but couldn’t. He pulled my pants down and he took advantage of me.

After all of these years, I wonder if I was raped, or if I got what I deserved? — Woman, Shamed for Life

Dear Shamed: Yes, you were raped. No, you did not “get what you deserved.” No, you should not feel ashamed for being the victim of a violent crime. But shame is an unfortunately common reaction for people who have been sexually assaulted.

You were a child, raped by a predator.

Imagine a different child having the same experience. Would you blame another child for what happened to her? I don’t think you would. You would view that child with sympathy and compassion. Now, extend this same compassion toward yourself.

Telling your story and asking these questions is a good first step to healing. I hope you will continue to talk about this. Call the number at RAINN.org (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network). Call the hotline, 800-656-4673, to talk to a counselor, who can direct you to local resources. This man should be prosecuted, if possible; a counselor can help to guide you through the process of deciding whether to try to charge this child rapist for this crime. Your query has likely helped other sexual assault survivors today; thank you. Readers can send email to askamy@amydickinson.com or letters to “Ask Amy” P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY, 13068.