How long lost child upsets apple cart

Dear Amy: I have an extremely happy marriage of 11 years. Our lives were just about perfect, and then my husband found out that he was the father of a girl born 50 years ago. This was a onenight stand, and the child’s mother gave the baby up for adoption.

Almost overnight my husband now has a daughter and three grandchildren!

He and his daughter have been exchanging photos, text messages and phone calls. I know there is a future meeting on the horizon.

I am having a VERY difficult time with this. I feel like everything has been turned upside down.

He is 73 and I am 70. I feel like this is an intrusion into our happy lives. Are my feelings abnormal? — Unhappy Camper in Florida

Dear Unhappy: Your feelings are not abnormal. Your family system was humming along nicely, and now things are changing.

It is normal to feel conflicted when facing extreme changes or transitions (even changes that are positive). Even lottery winners sometimes sink into a depression when their lives are turned upside down.

But here’s the rub. Life is just like that. People get ill, people get well, families grow and shrink; fortunes and futures can change with the click of a computer mouse.

No matter how you feel about this, you will do best if you behave less like an ignored teenager, and more like a mature partner. Your husband should include you in his communications. You should look for ways to embrace this. You don’t say whether you have children, but look what happened: You’re a (sort-of ) grandmother!

Give yourself time to adjust. Your husband and his newfound daughter will be forging a relationship and you should be a supportive participant.

If you continue to struggle, a counselor could help.