‘Grandma’ suddenly rejects found family

Dear Amy: I have had a woman in my life who has been like a mother to me since childhood. She has been like a grandmother to my kids for their entire lives.

This past summer I visited her with two of my children. She had two second cousins visiting, also. I thought the visit went well. She was very kind and gracious while we were there.

However, a week or so after we returned home, she wouldn’t respond to any calls or texts. I was super confused, but found out later, that her family had accused me of coming on to the two male cousins while I was there. In the email, she stated that although she never witnessed this, she was hurt that I would do this.

Amy, I have no interest in other men besides my husband. I am no cougar.

I think her family members were extremely jealous of our close bond.

She has not only cut off all communication with me, but she won’t talk to my children.

What do I tell them, and how do we move forward? — Wondering

Dear Wondering: You should tell your children, “Grandma seems to be struggling with something; it has nothing at all to do with you, and I’m hoping to clear things up with her, but I think it’s going to take some time.”

Write to her. Deny all accusations. Do not accuse her family members of jealousy — you don’t want to back her into a corner.

Affirm your affection and warm feelings. Remind her of your long and loving history. Tell her that the kids love and miss her, and tell her that you hope she will see it in her heart to stay in all of your lives.

The rest is up to her. She may be boxed in by these family members. If so, there is not much you can do — other than be patient and hope that she comes around.