Husband should not fear being Grinchy Diabetic boyfriend must clean up diet

Dear Amy: My husband’s adult children do not celebrate Christmas. They are vocally against it, and against Christianity. However, they do send us their Christmas lists for expensive items, such as large home appliances and electronics.

We’ve never asked for such a list and have never received as much as a card from them.

I admit I am starting to feel resentful. Their entitled attitude worries me.

We love gift-giving but this is starting to feel more like fulfilling a demand. We provide trips, gifts and money generously throughout the year.

I have suggested we let the kids know we will be buying more modest gifts for Christmas. My husband is afraid to rock the boat.

Is there a way we can reset expectations and boundaries, without looking like the Grinch? — Mrs. Claus

Dear Mrs. Claus: As long as he is afraid of his children, your husband can’t change the equation during the holiday season. You should encourage him to start to see himself as worthy of adult attention and respect. He seems to feel that he must literally purchase love from his children. But he will never know the core value of his relationship with his kids until he is brave enough to have these relationships in a more organic way.

If his kids don’t “believe” in Christmas, then don’t do Christmas.

If he is determined to give gifts — this year, he should recognize each of his kids in a new way: by contacting them to say that he has made a donation in their honor to a worthwhile charity.

His kids are not a worthwhile charity, but there are plenty out there, and (unlike his children) these organizations would be grateful for his support. He should steel himself for some blowback from this approach. Change is hard.

Dear Dr. Roach: My daughter has been dating a man who is diabetic but is not diligent about his diet. He is outwardly in good health, in that he runs competitively and bicycles in races, but sometimes he has blood sugar readings of 300 plus. He loves a diet of meat, sauces, and rich and sugary foods, and is trying to cut back, but not very hard. He does seem to think he can change things on his own; he isn’t on insulin. I worry about her being in a longterm relationship with him. He is 47 and already has gout. What do you advise? Is he right that he can change this on his own with a small effort? — K.N.

A good diet is important for everybody, but it is critical for someone with diabetes, especially when that person’s blood sugar is out of control. I don’t have enough information to comment much on his diet (sugary foods, however, are clearly not a good idea; that may be the single most important dietary guideline for a person with diabetes), but he should be speaking with his doctor or with an experienced dietician nutritionist for advice.

I sometimes have seen serious and even elite-level athletes feel that their exercise program can compensate for a bad diet.

Usually, it doesn’t. You can always out-eat your exercise, and exercise can’t protect you completely from diabetes.

Depending on the details of his diet and how often his sugar is so high, he may indeed be able to get under excellent blood sugar control just by making changes in his diet. However, people with sugar readings of 300-plus often do need insulin. It sounds like he needs a wake-up call.

With excellent blood sugar control, the ability to have a long, healthy life is as good as a person’s without diabetes (or nearly so).