Childhood incident is framed as assault

Dear Amy: Six years ago, my two grandchildren were playing “family” in a makeshift fort. These two cousins were both 6 years old at the time.

Sometime during their play, clothes were removed and my grandson kissed his female cousin’s bottom.

Since then, my daughterin-law sees her daughter as a victim and her nephew as a sexual predator.

The kids are now 12, and have never been allowed any time without adult supervision.

My daughter-in-law asked me how I felt about this some time ago, and I told her that I felt the kids were young and innocent and that it was a natural curiosity and maybe we shouldn’t make such a big deal of it. I said I would never ostracize any of my children or grandchildren.

She’s a very good mom, but I just feel she’s a little over the top on this. — Gramma

Dear Gramma: I agree that this episode, between two children of the same age, doesn’t seem serious. This sort of behavior is common and provides parents with teachable moments concerning curiosity, privacy and bodily autonomy.

To both children, the adult should have said, “You’re getting older now, and so you need to keep your clothes on. When you were babies, you two used to splash in the wading pool naked, but you’re not babies anymore, so let’s keep the clothes on.”

If the kissing child had been substantially older or more powerful, or if there was evidence of more extensive sexual play, I would have a different reaction.

Yes, you should respond to your daughter-in-law that you love her — but that you disagree with the way she has framed this.

She should seek the neutral advice of her daughter’s pediatrician or a child psychologist.