Mom creates imbalance family

Dear Amy: My mother-inlaw’s older son, “Adam” was a “wanted” child. A few years later, my husband, “Bill,” came along.

In the more than 20 years my husband and I have been together, she has told Bill to his face that he only exists because his father was too chicken to get a vasectomy.

The sun rises and sets on Adam, in spite of failure after failure. Mom is constantly bailing him out.

Adam’s kids fail equally, and she bails them out, too.

She cannot pass 90 seconds with our family without telling us what Adam has been up to and what she has given him and his latest spouse and kids.

Adam can’t pay his bills or stay married (he’s had several wives), but he sure walks on water in her eyes.

She has pretty much ignored us for nearly 22 years. When she gets bored, she expects us to fill the gap. When we give in, she regales our children with how much she has done for their cousins.

Bill lets this roll off his back. He’s an amazing person, he’s worked hard, put himself through school and is a great husband and awesome father.

I know she won’t change. So, Amy; teach me not to care? — Frustrated Wife

Dear Frustrated: You seem to have already mastered the first step in not caring, which is acceptance. Yes, she won’t change.

You also seem to acknowledge that her toxic enabling has actually damaged “Adam” and his family members.

Your husband tolerates this because she is his mother. His tolerance is a testament to his character.

You could try to behave differently when she is with you.

And to your children, you need only say, “Your grandmother doesn’t seem to know how to love everyone equally. Her real gift to you is a lesson in how NOT to behave.”