DNA matches, but the values don’t

Dear Amy: Last year I took a DNA test, hoping to get some answers regarding my paternity and lineage. I discovered that I have a halfsister.

I’ve spent a year navigating this new relationship. I’m thrilled to be an aunt to two nieces and a nephew. I have thought long and hard about what it means to be a good aunt and sister and have tried to act accordingly.

My sister and I are truly like city mouse/country mouse. I live in liberal Chicago. She lives in a small, conservative town in the South. While we are very alike in many ways, we are also very different in others.

Earlier this year she went out of her way to tell me that she can’t accept gay people. She acted like this was something to “agree to disagree” about. I politely and respectfully reiterated my views that there is nothing wrong with gay people, and she dropped the subject.

This has been, in my mind, a roadblock in our relationship ever since. I have been a vocal advocate of gay and transgender rights all my adult life. I’ve known many of my gay friends for almost 30 years. Being told that they are somehow “unacceptable” bothers me to no end. If she wasn’t family, I am not sure I would have continued to nurture a relationship with her.

How can we get past this? — Stranded Sister

Dear Stranded: One way to get past this is to go through it.

Presumably, her views are more prevalent in the community where she was raised and where her views were formed.

You are open-minded. Extend your open attitude toward your sister.

You both deserve a lot of credit for taking on the big and emotional challenge of building a sibling relationship with one another. I hope that you can arrange visits in order to explore one another’s worlds.