Trauma survivor faces challenges

Dear Amy: I am a 26-year-old woman. Despite having a deeply traumatic childhood, I have a successful and fulfilling life.

I am estranged from my parents due to the severe abuse they inflicted during childhood. The abuse was physical, mental and sexual. My siblings and I were placed into foster care. We were again abused by a foster father. He is currently serving a 15-year prison sentence. The state then deemed our mother capable of providing a stable home. Our mother had remarried, and her new husband was not much better.

I have supported myself and the youngest of my siblings for my adult life. I have a healthy, supportive relationship with a good man.

However, I find that the sexual abuse I suffered has influenced my sexual desires. My partner has gently expressed to me that some of the things I ask him to do make him uncomfortable. How do I separate my current healthy sex life from my traumatic past? — Intimately Unhinged

Dear Unhinged: Your success is a testament to your core strength and resilience.

Human beings react to, and sometimes re-enact, versions of their formative experiences in childhood.

I read a paper called: “The Sexuality of Childhood Sexual Abuse Survivors” published by the National Institute of Health featuring interviews with survivors of childhood sexual abuse (known as CSA).

Many participants indicated that the CSA influenced how they came to view themselves as sexual beings. They talked about experiencing shame, confusion and low self-esteem with regards to their sexuality.

A therapist with experience dealing with CSA could help you to put the pieces together. Please accept professional help, as you continue to build on your impressive success.