Chance discovery changes everything

Dear Amy: I just found a box of condoms in my husband’s sock drawer. The manufacture datewas 2015.

They weren’t for our use because I went through menopause long before hat, and we haven’t used condoms in 20 years.

I am fairly sure that my husband had an affair 15 years ago, although he always said that “nothing physic l happened.”

Given the “business trips” that were never paid for by his company, I doubt he was being honest.

I feel sick, lost, and helpless right now. — Lost and Alone

Dear Lost and Alone: I’m so sorry you are going through this turmoil. There is no lonelier feeling than losing trust in your .

You say you don’t know where to turn, and before you turn to your husband to confronthimwith your suspicions, you should research your legal rights and responsibilities, in case you — or he — will ultimatelychooseto leavethemarriage.

Educating yourself in this way does notmean that youare giving up on the relationship, but itwill empower you to face this possibility, andgive you an idea about your more practical options.

Yes, you should assume that he will deny this, or come up with an explanation or excuse for having recently purchased condoms.

When you have this conversation, listen to your own body; paycloseattentiontoyourown instincts concerning his behavior. Trust yourself, even if you don’t trust him. Do not take this as a referendum on what kind of person, wife, or mother you are — his choices are not your responsibility, and they are not your fault.

A couples’ counselor would help you walk through your ownfeelings andreactions, and could work with you and your husband together, if you andhe choose to try.

Readers can send email to askamy@amydickinson.com or letters to “AskAmy” P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY13068.