DNA disclosure disrupts family

Dear Amy: A couple of years ago there was a divorce in my extended family. After the split, my ex- uncle discovered that my aunt was fathered not by my grandfather, but by another man ( through a DNA genealogy site).

He told my aunt. My understanding is that she reacted with extreme anger and told him never to repeat the information.

He let it slip, and now I am in possession of this information.

My mother knows that her sister is in fact her half- sister, but she has not told her sister that she knows this. My mother has other siblings as well, and we have reason to believe that one of them is also likely fathered by this other man.

I believe that my aunt should inform her children, as well as the other sibling. It seems people have a right to know who they are related to.

Is it appropriate for me to sit on this secret? — Tough Spot

Dear Tough Spot: I don’t think you have the right to share it.

All of your information is indirect. Since this information is from your aunt’s ex- husband, and because his motives are suspect, I don’t think you should even assume that it is true, until someone with direct knowledge confirms it.

You and your mother seem to have developed theories about other family members based on your indirect knowledge of this DNA test. However, because you both believe this to be true, your mother ( not you) should talk to her sister about it.

Given how family secrets sometimes circulate like a game of “telephone,” I think there is some likelihood that your former uncle did tell his children ( and probably others), but they are all sitting on this because they don’t realize that anyone else knows.