Honeymoon ended before it began

Dear Amy: When I started seeing my guy, we were so in tune about everything!

About a month into dating, a switch was flipped.

While I’m making some of the biggest steps forward in my life, he is facing jail time.

He gets upset when I ask what happened to the honeymoon phase of our relationship; he’s hardly available for me, as he needs to save to bills.

We love each other. But he won’t show up for me emotionally, and it’s hard.

I’ve suggested a break. Now he promises to be more emotionally available.

But what if this is just what he’s always like? He goes back and forth.

I don’t want to wait for no reason or so he can use me.

What advice can you give me? — Empathetic

Dear Empathetic: It strikes me as extremely unreasonable to look at a man facing jail time and ask, “What happened to our honeymoon phase?” That ship has sailed.

Ask yourself: “What would I tell my best friend if she brought this dilemma to me?”

As it is now, you play the relationship martyr, and he emotionally manipulates you. You should assume that the way he is behaving now is the way he always behaves.

Do not do the relationship work for him, and do not make excuses for him.

Pay close attention to what he does, versus what he says.

You don’t say what crime this man was convicted of, but the wisest course for you to take would be to maintain a non-romantic friendship. You need to work hard to fulfill your potential, and he needs to pay his debt to society and then – once he has done so — reintegrate into the world.

Whether you are standing by when he returns will be completely up to you.