Friendship might have run its course

Dear Amy: I have had a close friend for 16 years. We worked together, and she and I both went through nasty divorces. We have sons similar in age. We both found love again.

However, things have shifted. She is a chronic last-minute canceler, always with a good excuse. She’s missed birthdays and other important things. She calls us “BFF’s,” but I don’t see it.

Last year, she sent out a text invite for a fun-themed dinner, confirming last-minute details.

She admitted she had sent the invitation accidentally.

Someone backed out at the last minute, and then I got an actual invite and was told I’d better be wearing a theme costume. I declined.

Am I wrong to feel insulted? I’ve never brought this up, but it was rude. — Slighted BFF

Dear Slighted: It is legitimate to feel insulted when someone insults you.

I suspect the reason you’ve ruminated on this for over a year is: either you somehow believe your feelings are not to be trusted, or, even if your feelings are trustworthy, you don’t have the right to “have” them.

Despite the fact that she tells you that you two are “best friends forever,” she seems to have demoted you.

Regardless of your place in her friendship pecking order, if she wanted to spend time with you — best friend or not — she would find a way to.

Yes, it is probably too late to bring up an incident that happened over a year ago. Bringing this up wouldn’t change anything.

All you need to do now is to believe in your instincts, trust your own feelings, and behave the way YOU want to behave.

This person has earned a demotion in your friendship pecking order. I’d suggest the category of: “Someone I used to be close to.”