DNA discoveries bring forward truth
Dear Amy: My husband and I recently had our DNA tested.
Both of us have discovered that we have half-siblings.
My father had two children with another woman while I was in junior high.
My husband’s father had a child with a close family friend while his mother was pregnant with him.
Both of us are trying to understand this without the ability to ask our fathers (deceased), and without any deep understanding of what was happening at the time.
The last thing we want to do is ask our mothers.
Please caution your readers to consider what their own feelings and actions will be if they find out something.
My husband and I agree that we are glad we know, but it has been difficult — particularly because these half-siblings don’t want to meet or know us.
Should we tell our siblings? — Bewildered
Dear Bewildered: Sometimes we are forced to learn things we do not want to.
I do believe your siblings should be told about this, but you should offer up this information by granting them an advantage you didn’t have, in the form of a warning.
You might rehearse ways to start this conversation: “Warren and I had our DNA tested, and we were handed some surprising information. I believe you have the right to know it, too — if you want. I just want to prepare you in case you plan to have your DNA tested. If you want to discuss this with me instead, I’m willing to. If you would rather not that’s OK, too.”
Try not to attach to any specific response, including the possibility of a sibling blaming you for bringing this to their attention. That sibling would also blame you for keeping it to yourself.