Sun Sentinel Broward Edition

DNA discoverie­s bring forward truth

- Amy Dickinson Submit letters to askamy@amydickins­on.com or to “Ask Amy” P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.

Dear Amy: My husband and I recently had our DNA tested.

Both of us have discovered that we have half-siblings.

My father had two children with another woman while I was in junior high.

My husband’s father had a child with a close family friend while his mother was pregnant with him.

Both of us are trying to understand this without the ability to ask our fathers (deceased), and without any deep understand­ing of what was happening at the time.

The last thing we want to do is ask our mothers.

Please caution your readers to consider what their own feelings and actions will be if they find out something.

My husband and I agree that we are glad we know, but it has been difficult — particular­ly because these half-siblings don’t want to meet or know us.

Should we tell our siblings? — Bewildered

Dear Bewildered: Sometimes we are forced to learn things we do not want to.

I do believe your siblings should be told about this, but you should offer up this informatio­n by granting them an advantage you didn’t have, in the form of a warning.

You might rehearse ways to start this conversati­on: “Warren and I had our DNA tested, and we were handed some surprising informatio­n. I believe you have the right to know it, too — if you want. I just want to prepare you in case you plan to have your DNA tested. If you want to discuss this with me instead, I’m willing to. If you would rather not that’s OK, too.”

Try not to attach to any specific response, including the possibilit­y of a sibling blaming you for bringing this to their attention. That sibling would also blame you for keeping it to yourself.

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