Is God willing to let Rubio serve? Eavesdrop while Rubio asks Him

“Excuse me, Mr. God,” says the secretary, “but that Rubio person is on the phone again.”

“Oh, Jeez! (Pardon Me, Son). I usually let the delusional fellow just talk to himself. But I really should talk to him this time. Put him on.”

(God drums divine fingers while the call is transferred.) “Hi, God,” says a youthful voice. “Hello, Senator.” “I’m calling because ... Actually, you probably know why I’m call-ing.”

“Of course, Senator. Omniscience and all that. But why don’t you explain it anyway.”

“As you know, God, I promised in my debate with Patrick Murphy that if reelected to the Senate I will serve the full six years, ‘God willing.’ So I am sort of wondering: Are You willing?”

“I did hear something about that,” God says wryly. “Do you think it was fair of you to sort-of promise to stay in the Senate but at the same time to imply that if you break your promise then it’s because I want you to run for the presidency?”

“That is one interpretation of what I said,” says a cagey Rubio. “It certainly is.” “Another interpretation could be that I promised to serve the full six years unless You, Y’know, call me home to heaven.”

“Are you telling Me that’s what you meant ... that you will serve the full six years unless you die?” “Well,” Rubio hedges. “Remember, I know everything that’s in your heart.”

“Puts You above the average voter,” Rubio chuckles.

“And,” continues God, who pointedly does not chuckle,” do you mean to imply that I meddle in America’s presidential elections?”

“I assumed You get involved, yes,” says the senator, taken aback.

“And,” continues God relentlessly, “if you assume I get involved in American elections, wouldn’t you assume that I involve Myself in running Russia as well? And if that’s the case, Putin would be my guy.” “Well, I ... I ...” Because if I do get involved in elections ... as your ‘God willing’ escape hatch suggests, then do you suppose that I put people in charge who should not be in charge?’”

“Well, I ... I...”

“If you truly think that I get involved in earthly elections, then shouldn’t you conclude that I wanted Barack Obama to be twice elected?” “I suppose,” says Rubio reluctantly. “And if you think I wanted Obama to be elected president, why did you spend the last six years doing everything you could to thwart the agenda I put Obama into office to achieve?”

“Are you saying you DID want Obama to be president?”

“Are you saying that you don’t know what I want?” “Um ...” “Because it seems to me that you have been in the habit of telling voters that you somehow know what I want. For example, didn’t you say you prayed over the decision to flip-flop on running for re-election to the Senate?” “Yes.” “And that implies that I approved your decision to run for re-election.” “Yes.” “So you think that I told you to break the promise you already had made that if you failed to win the GOP nomination to be president, you also would not try to be re-elected to the Senate?” “Yes.” “You think God told you to break a solemn promise to your constituents?” “Yes.” “Why would I do that?” “Because you wanted me to remain in the Senate.”

“Let me ask you this, Senator. Didn’t you pray to me before you ran?” “Of course I did.” “And what do you think I told you?” “To run, of course.” “Maybe I told you to run for president, knowing you would lose, just to get you out of the Senate!”

“But, God, I assumed you see me as a savior of the GOP.”

“I’m pretty particular when it comes to choosing saviors. And if I viewed you as such, then why would I let Donald Trump beat you? And if I want to save the GOP, why would I let the GOP nominate him?” “Because, ah ... I don’t know!” “Senator, have you heard of Free Will.” “Certainly.” “Then please exercise your own Free Will. And when you do, leave me out of it.”