High road offers the best view

Dear Amy: My former wife and I divorced after 26 years of marriage. She has refused to communicate with me. We have twins in their late 20s — a daughter and a son. Although neither is married, each wants to eventually get married, and so I anticipate weddings.

Our son graduates law school soon and may feel awkward about having his parents attend graduation. Last year, he went through a crisis — the death of a best friend. It was terribly hard on him, yet his mom never talked to me about how we might help him. Such occasions — a grief-stricken child, and a grown child’s life event — call for parents to come together. I want to talk with my ex about the graduation. What do you suggest? — Loves His Twins

Dear Loves: Ideally, you and your ex-wife would be able to discuss the events in your twins’ lives, and also be capable of checking in from time to time. However, your twins appear to be consigned to do the eternal dance of children of divorce who deal with their parents separately and discreetly, as they dread the tension of life’s big events.

If you want to communicate with your ex, you could send her an email titled “Graduation” in the subject. Keep it short, neutral and factual. Tell her your plans and ask her if she wants to coordinate.

She may not answer. I hope you’ll make a choice to simply be the easy, accommodating, warm and loving parent, regardless of your ex’s behavior. Never criticize her to your children. Take the high road. It’s not the easiest road, but it offers the best view.

Dear Amy: In response to “Worried” and her boyfriend’s frequent white lies, I can relate.

I grew up in a family where “Never let the facts get in the way of a good story!” was practically our motto. My mom told little lies in front of us kids constantly, especially on the phone to her friends and work. My husband called me out on it when we first got married. I didn’t even realize I was doing it. It was learned behavior from my upbringing. I am grateful he brought it to my attention. Perhaps “Worried” should do the same with her boyfriend. — Former Liar

Dear Liar: Good advice!