Honor yours on Mother’s Day

Dear Miss Manners: Anna Jarvis’ story of founding Mother’s Day is pretty much known to everyone in West Virginia, which is where I grew up and later taught eighth-grade West Virginia history — a requirement and a big deal.

Then there’s Father’s Day, which we claim, too.

You are correct that greed and entitlement were certainly not Anna Jarvis’ idea of a Mother’s Day celebration. Anna herself later became disenchanted with the commercialization of Mother’s Day. She no doubt would be disappointed by letters you get from people demanding Mother’s Day gifts.

Gentle Reader: Indeed. Miss Manners is braced for the onslaught of letters she receives after every Mother’s Day from disgruntled mothers who expected to be paid tribute not only by their children, but by nearly everyone else, including their own mothers.

Ladies, this is unseemly. Mother’s Day is for children to show appreciation of their mothers. (Unless the mothers object, as Miss Manners’ own dear mother emphatically did. Her position was that acknowledging it would concede there are 364 days a year when children do not have to pay tribute to their mothers.)

Appreciation that is demanded is hardly worth it. Yet, small children have to learn what might be expected of them. In that regard, fathers (and mothers, in regard to Father’s Day) are the natural instructors. But society in general is full of reminders, and while those are propelled by commercial concerns, they afford an opportunity to explain the custom.

Generalizing the appreciation by directing it to all mothers, and even to all people, including strangers, who may be presumed to be mothers, also dilutes the meaning. And it can be harmful. The other type of fallout that Miss Manners receives after each Mother’s Day comes from those who are wished a happy Mother’s Day by those who do not realize that they are childless, or even bereaved.

Everyone has had a mother. Some have more than one, in the form of stepmothers or others who acted in a maternal capacity. Mother’s Day is simply an opportunity for their children to honor them.