Stay away from social media mess

Dear Miss Manners: My sister-in-law posted something on social media that was quite disturbing. She made a disparaging remark about my brother and made a shocking and rather vulgar comment about him. Several family members saw the posting, one of whom asked her to remove it, which she did.

My brother does not know about this. He doesn’t use social media, and no one wants to tell him. I think he should know, but I can’t bring myself to tell him, and I’m not sure if I should. Can you advise me? Gentle Reader: Stay as far away from the situation as possible.

It will be far easier — and less expensive — for your brother to engage in a lasting fight with his relatives than with his wife. If your brother does, at some point, find out and chastise you for not alerting him, you can rightly tell him that you thought it was none of your business. And alert your sister-in-law in kind.

Dear Miss Manners: Save-the-date cards for my upcoming wedding went out several months ago, and we’re preparing to send formal invitations in a few weeks. One of my fiance’s lifelong friends emailed me to confirm that he and his wife were still invited because, he said, “budgets and venues change.”

I was a little taken aback that he felt the need to ask. We considered all the major details final, including our guest list, once save-the-dates were out; we thought the save-the-date was itself a form of invitation. Are we correct in assuming that? Does rescinding a save-the-date, as our friend implied we might do, actually happen?

Gentle Reader: Probably, but that does not make it correct. Save-thedates are binding on the part of the issuer, but not on the part of the receiver. They were created out of convenience for guests who need to plan their schedules and travel arrangements, not for hosts who might have changed their minds about their guests. If for no other reason, Miss Manners urges hosts to remember the travel arrangement part when they play fast and loose with their own financial decisions.