Island life might suit Jeter, Marlins

The most surprising part of the Miami Marlins’ latest news is that they can still surprise us with any news. But that tells of the lengths and imagination in the recent curveball by the newest ownership group:

Your Miami Marlins in the box score are legally the British Virgin Islands Marlins now. Kind of.

That’s the upshot of Derek Jeter & Co.’s claiming corporate citizenship in the British Virgin Islands this week. It’s evidently a move to inject a federally appointed arbitrator into the Miami and Miami-Dade lawsuit to recover some of previous owner Jeffrey Loria’s $1.2 billion sale.

First reaction: Haven’t those poor islands suffered enough? They were hit by a 4.7 magnitude earthquake Friday that, fortunately, didn’t trigger a tsunami. They’re still digging out from the brutal hurricane season.

Now they’ve got the Marlins to deal with, too?

But let’s take a breath. Let’s give Jeter some benefit of the doubt. Perhaps it is more than legal strategy. Perhaps it’s to show us locals this new ownership group is thinking like locals.

Perhaps it’s a shrewd financial move that lots of South Florida companies make. What better place to find a tax haven than some Caribbean islands?

The New Marlins appear as cashstrapped as the Old Marlins, too. So maybe there’s something even more (wink-wink)

institutional at work. Something that like, uh, hmm … well, come closer, so I can whisper what goes through every South Floridian’s mind:

Is this to launder money and purchase a starting rotation?

South Florida hoped that when Jeter took over the Marlins they’d get an ownership group committed to winning and the community. Now it appears what they’re committed to winning is a new community.

The Marlins have played games in Puerto Rico in recent years as a chance to sell tickets in a new market because, well, Loria didn’t exactly sell tickets here.

Of course, if Loria’s Marlins made this island maneuver, it would be easy to attach full measures of deceit and bumbling. Loria, after all, is still at the center of this mess.

Loria insists he lost $140 million on the Marlins. He initially invested $159 million in the franchise and sold it for $1.2 billion. Even with baseball’s varied and complicated statistics, this accounting gets to the heart of his twisted mind.

I know what some of you are thinking: This is just the first step to the Marlins setting sail for a new home. This could be the biggest news to hit the B.V.I. since billionaire Richard Branson of Virgin Air put out word he wants to hire an assistant to live there on Necker Island.

A couple of issues there. First, the British Virgin Islands consulate in Miami didn’t even know they were proud holders of a major league team.

“We haven’t heard that,” was the official reaction when I called.

Second, the B.V.I. doesn’t even have a certified sports stadium. It had to play a “home” qualifying game for the 2010 World Cup in the Bahamas. Since when have the Marlins not known how to maneuver public money for a new stadium, though?

The Marlins might not even need a stadium the way their record-breaking season is going. They set a record for lowest home attendance with 10,402 in their third game. They broke it Monday night with 7,003.

That will feel like a mob come July.

Still, in the hopes of thinking positive, there’s a way this can work out for everyone. The Marlins could move to the islands for the next few years, toil in anonymity, enjoy the tourist life, grow their product and work their plan of being one of the worst teams in baseball.

Or the Antarctica Virgin Islands, if need be.

As it is, there’s some mystery as to how Jeter’s ownership group has a B.V.I. connection. I suggested to its consulate an investigative story might be needed to fly there and study up on the situation for a few days. Or a few weeks. No more than a month. Strictly as a community service.

Dave Hyde