Daughter pressed to keep family secret

Dear Amy: A man just messaged me on Facebook, telling me he’s been trying to contact my mother. He says he is her half-brother, and that he is trying to get information about his father (my grandfather), who died over 10 years ago.

He asked me to pass along the message.

I think he’s telling the truth. His photo shows a strong family resemblance.

Also, my grandmother (who is still living) recently confessed to me that she believed my grandfather was unfaithful to her. I don’t believe my mother and her brother (my uncle) are aware of their father’s infidelity. And I don’t think anyone, besides me, is aware of this half-brother’s existence.

I understand his desire to find out about his family, but I also think that what he’s asking of me is completely inappropriate.

I may no longer be a child (I’m in my mid-20s), but he’s left me to deal with a moral quandary that will shake the foundations of my entire family, with possible legal ramifications (possible contested will or family trust).

I don’t know who else to talk to about this. — A Daughter’s Dilemma

Dear Daughter: You seem to feel that this situation has put you in the position of being a secret-holder for your family. But what gives you the right to hold onto this information, on behalf of previous generations?

And do you actually imagine that in this era of DNA testing, data sharing and social media, this man won’t eventually locate and contact your mother (or your uncle, or your grandmother) without your help?

Your grandmother has already told you about this suspected infidelity.

Share this message with your mother. Understand that she’ll want time to absorb this and decide what to do.

Do not feel rushed to respond to the man.