Girlfriend miffed by pics of partner’s ex

Dear Amy: What do you think about former in-laws continuing to display photos of ex-spouses?

My boyfriend has been divorced for five years, after his wife left him. It was a very toxic situation and continues to be so.

His mother continues to keep dozens of photos of his ex all over her house — some with the ex-wife by herself, and some with my boyfriend when they were married.

The one and only time I spent the night at his mom’s house over a holiday, we slept in the spare room under a giant photo of him and his ex, holding hands and running across the finish line of a race.

My boyfriend was quite embarrassed. I assumed he would speak to his mother, but he hasn’t.

He and I have been together for four years, and my relationship with his mom is lovely, if not particularly close.

I’m guessing this kind of thing just doesn’t register as a big deal to many, but I find it kind of thoughtless. What’s your perspective? — Confused

Dear Confused: My perspective is that a grandparent might display a photo of her child and an ex-spouse if the grandparents or grandchildren are also in the photo. A giant picture of ex-spouses holding hands and crossing the finish line of a race is something that should be put away.

The here is why you haven’t communicated with your guy about this, and why he hasn’t communicated with his mother. You should convey to him, “Honey, I know it is not my mom and not my house, but I’m wondering if you’ve spoken to your mother about the photos of your ex she has on display? She may not realize that these pictures make us uncomfortable.”

After that, you should work hard to let this go. It is her home.