Hosts strug­gle with guest’s de­mands

Sun Sentinel Palm Beach Edition - - MOVIES - Amy Dick­in­son

Dear Amy: Ev­ery year my hus­band and I host a hol­i­day get-to­gether for sev­eral of our friends and neigh­bors.

This year, with lit­tle no­tice, my friend “Barb” reached out to me, say­ing, “This year, I will need you to pre­pare my food dif­fer­ently” — due to her re­cent di­ag­no­sis of celiac dis­ease.

She ex­plained to me that “even a crumb of cross con­tam­i­na­tion” will re­sult in her not feel­ing well. She in­structed me to check all of my in­gre­di­ents, and to thor­oughly clean all of my cook­ing and serv­ing uten­sils be­fore pre­par­ing food for her.

My hus­band said that if the dis­ease was so dire, she would need to pack her own plate of food.

Is our friend be­ing ridicu­lous here, or are we be­ing in­sen­si­tive to her dis­ease? — Gluten-free Hosts

Dear Hosts: You should not at­tempt to gauge whether “Barb’s” dis­ease is as se­ri­ous as she in­di­cates. You should sim­ply as­sume that it is. I agree, how­ever, her re­quire­ments seem quite over­whelm­ing and are com­ing off as de­mands. She is also at­tempt­ing to shift re­spon­si­bil­ity for her health from her­self onto you.

In­stead of you com­mu­ni­cat­ing her needs to your other guests who are bring­ing food, you should sug­gest that she con­tact them. With such spe­cific re­quire­ments, she should not trust any­one else to com­mu­ni­cate her ex­act re­quire­ments.

You should as­sume that your best ef­forts might not be enough to com­pletely de­con­tam­i­nate your kitchen to Barb’s stan­dards, and you should tell her so: “Hi, ‘Barb,’ I worry that I can’t guar­an­tee that all of the food and the kitchen area will be de­con­tam­i­nated the way you might need. It would def­i­nitely be safest for you to bring your own food this year. If you feel you also need to bring your own plates, sil­ver­ware, etc., I as­sure you we won’t be of­fended. Look­ing for­ward!”

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