Teen wants to stop offensive friends

Dear Readers: I’ve stepped away from the Ask Amy column for two weeks to work on a new writing project. I hope you enjoy these edited “best of ” columns in my absence. All of these questions and answers were first published 10 years ago. Today’s topic is: Teenagers.

Dear Amy: I have a few white friends who throw the “N word” around. It makes me uncomfortable when they use it, especially when they use it to describe me (I am white). They say having an “a” instead of an “er” at the end makes it acceptable, but I don’t agree.

How can I ask them to stop? — Not the N Word

Dear Not:

Yes, this is offensive and unacceptable. Stop it in its tracks. Just say, “Stop this. Now. It’s not funny, it’s not right and I don’t like it.” If your friends don’t stop, then walk away. Your friends may think you’re extra-sensitive. They may razz you. If so, they’re not really friends. One day you’ll look back and see them as a bunch of obnoxious people you used to know in high school. (Sept., 2009)

Dear Amy: I am a freshman in high school. I am a smart, friendly, nice girl, and until recently, had high selfesteem. Recently, a lot of my friends have been flaunting boyfriends. No boy has told me he likes me. I think I am very attractive, and I try to be nice to everyone. What am I doing wrong and why has no one liked me yet? How can I raise my selfesteem? — Anonymous

Dear Anonymous:

People are ready for relationships at different ages — and everyone has a unique way of trying to get what he or she wants. You aren’t doing anything wrong. If you want to go to a dance with someone, then ask him to go in a group with friends. Commit yourself to activities that make you feel good; music, drama, art and sports all present opportunities for you to get to know other fantastic teens, like you. (Dec., 2009)