Vulnerability elicits rude response

Dear Amy: My daughter and her friend visited her grandparents in Florida over spring break.

While my daughter was there, she was sharing vulnerably with her grandmother about how the birth control she was on was messing up her menstrual cycle and not helping her skin as intended. She told her grandmother she was going to stop taking it.

My mother-in-law grabbed my daughter’s wrist and leaned in and said strongly, “Be careful not to get raped and pregnant.” Then she laughed.

My daughter didn’t know what to do with that, other than justify herself and her choices. All of which are so mild. She spent the remaining two days dodging her grandmother.

I’ve been very angry. My daughter wants space and is so hurt.

I’m leaving a response up to my husband.

We’ve had these sorts of issues before where my MIL says hurtful things.

Thoughts on how to tackle this? — Disgusted

Dear Disgusted: Your daughter made a rookie mistake in talking to her thoughtless and hurtful grandmother about something as personal as her birth control method.

I’m not saying these topics should be out of bounds between all grandchildren and their grandparents, but this particular grandmother sounds like a loose cannon. (And if someone — even a relative — grabbed me like that, it would be the last time I came within an arm’s length of them.)

I’m going to assume that your daughter might be too intimidated to advocate for herself. So yes, I suggest a conversation with your mother-inlaw. Tell her that your daughter found her remark bewildering, inappropriate and hurtful, and that you agree with your daughter’s response.