Relative will not attend bar mitzvah

Dear Amy: My grandnephew is being bar mitzvahed next month.

His father, who runs youth programs for the local Jewish Community Center, has decided to hold the ceremonies in a Chabad synagogue, in which men and women are not allowed to sit together.

I refuse to attend this ceremony, which I consider medieval and sexist in nature. My wife knows how I feel, and is OK with my choice, but will attend the ceremony.

Quite honestly, I am really disappointed in her decision.

There are other, less rigid synagogues in the area, and I would gladly attend services at them, but this is what my nephew has chosen.

I’d like to tell the family how I feel, and encourage them to boycott the ceremony, as well.

I know this is drastic, but I truly feel that attending means approval of these reactionary practices.

Should I encourage my wife not to attend? Should I notify the rest of the family? — Disgusted Husband

Dear Disgusted: You are completely within your rights to stay home from a religious ceremony.

Who put you in charge of the rest of the family?

You are obviously infuriated by the parents’ choice to hold this religious ceremony in an ultra-orthodox venue. The boy’s fathermay be moving toward a more conservative faith practice. Do you expect to disrupt his journey toward the ultra-orthodox through your own tough judgment?

I appreciate your concern about the position of women in this particular faith community, but I have news for you: my own perspective is that many orthodox religious practices and/or faith-based communities are sexist in structure.

Stay home if you want. Control your own impulse to control other people.