Friend ponders wife intervention

Dear Amy: “Curt” and I have been friends for about 15 years. I admire him as a great volunteer for a group we both belong to. He has a bit of a challenging personality (he can be self-centered, and too talkative), but he is a nice guy and a good friend.

I recently met his wife for the first time. Once the wife figured out that I knew “Curt,” she wasted no time launching into a diatribe about him. She cited chapter and verse of what a horrible guy he is and how much she hates him.

I tried not to register my shock. Maybe she just needed to confide in another woman.

My dilemma is how to proceed. I almost feel obligated to tell Curt what his wife said so that he can save his marriage if he wants to. But I also wonder if hearing this from me would be more embarrassing than helpful.

Curt can be so oblivious to other people that he may not be aware of this. My other option is to leave well enough alone, but that feels like betrayal. What if they do divorce and I could have done something to prevent it? — Knows Too Much

Dear Knows Too Much:

“Curt’s” wife should not have launched into a detailed diatribe about his awfulness, certainly on your first meeting.

But — just as she should not have confided in you, you should not try to help Curt “save his marriage, if he wants to.”

Of course, it is possible that Curt is not actually the nice guy you think he is - to his wife, anyway. Many people operate comfortably in a duality showing one side of their character and personality at home, and a polar-opposite side elsewhere in the world.

Because your relationship with him seems confined to the volunteer activity you share, I suggest that you suspend your judgment about either of them.